The jokes

A man's daughter comes home from school and asks her dad if she can borrow the car.

The father replies, "No, it's too late at night."

The daughter says, "C'mon, Dad. I'll do anything."

The dad says, "OK, suck my dick."

The daughter says, "No, that's disgusting."

The dad says, "You want the car. You said you'll do anything."

The daughter agrees. Just as she is about to put her father's dick into her mouth, she stops and says, "Eww, Dad, your dick smells like shit."

The dad replies, "Yeah, well, your brother borrowed the car about an hour ago."

Three men were going for a drive through the desert. An hour later, the car breaks down. They all take something from the car to keep themselves cool as they walk to the nearest gas station a few miles back.

One guy grabs a hand-held fan. Another guy grabs the jug of water. The last guy takes the car door off. About 15 minutes into walking, the other two are giving the one guy weird looks. Finally, one of them asks why he is taking the car door. The third guy just replies that whenever he gets hot he can just roll down the window.

Fat jokes and mom jokes😂

1. So fat when she sat on the toilet, she said, "A B C D E F G, get your fat ass off me."

2. So fat, your dad and her were in bed and tried to kiss. He’d have to slap her belly and ride the third wave up.

3. Yo mama so fat that when she went to Japan in a green bikini, they all started yelling, "Godzilla, Godzilla."

4. Your mama’s so fat when she went bungee jumping, she broke the bridge!

5. Bill was so fat when he stepped on the scale, it said "to be continued."

6. Yo mama so fat, she put on her lipstick with a paint-roller.

Did you hear about the boy who sat under a cow?

He got a pat on the head.

Yo mama is so fat, when she came on this website, the whole server crashed!

A doctor fell into a well and broke his collarbone.

The doctor should attend the sick and leave the well alone!

Why did the accountant fall off his bicycle?

Because he lost his balance!

What's the difference between depression and a girl?

XXXTentacion can't seem to beat depression.

How did the Java programmer's son get rich?

Because of inheritance.

What's the difference between a bird and a fly?

A bird can fly, but a fly can't bird!

My life, there, that was the joke.

Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to help check her balance. So I pushed her over.

Why do people always talk about 9/11, but seriously, just let it sit there, like the rubble it is.

My dog was hungry, so I let him loose outside while I filled his bowl.

I found out later that he was run over by a truck. It seemed to really hit the Spot.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the gay guy's house. Knock, knock. Who's there? Chicken.

What's the difference between Vikkstar and a tree?

Nothing. They're both hollow on the inside and brown on the outside.

85% of us are good at school, while the other 15% is good at suicide.

(Teach me your ways, 15%.)

I once called a group of emos "the suicide squad."

What’s the difference between autism and gender?

Gender is binary, autism is a spectrum.

Q: Why can't Asians play baseball?

A: Because they ate the bat!