The jokes
Why did the rapper take up gardening?
Because they wanted to GROW their FLOW.
"BlessedBrian must be a SMOKE DETECTOR... because he never fails to kill the vibe."
Leo must be a parking ticket... not because of the “fine” thing, nah, it’s because she’s OVERSTAYED her WELCOME.
How do rappers stay warm in the winter?
They wear their ice chains.
I’d tell BlessedBrian to aim for the stars, but it seems like his GRAVITATIONAL PULL is holding him back.
Leo might not be the dumbest person in the world... but she’d better hope they don’t DIE!
Why did the rapper carry an umbrella?
For some sick DRIZZLE on his tracks.
Why did the rapper always carry a map?
Because he was afraid of getting LOST in the BARS.
Why was the rapper always in shape?
Because he dropped so many BARS, he had to stay fit to pick them up!
Why don't rappers ever get lost?
Because they always follow the street signs.
Why is 10 afraid?
Because it’s in the middle of 9/11.
I got fired from my paramedic job on the first day. I told an eight-year-old who lost his leg in a car accident to "walk it off."
I can’t stand jokes about Germans.
They’re the wurst.
My friend was getting bullied so I went over and asked him to stop. It went a little bit like this:
Me: Dude, leave her alone. Him: Beat it, b*tch. *lots of arguing and swearing* Me: Ya know! The smartest thing that ever came outta your mouth was probably a penis. Him: *walks away*
Hi, how are you? Busy doing today? Did I have to text more today after dinner? I did text, and you have been to the vet and walk walk home from home and walk walk home 🏠. Night is so nice 👍. I did not walk away, but you don’t want me to text me to let you know when I get home, can you walk?
LEGO Ninjago - I like it, okay?
Which of the ninja would be best for an undercover mission as the person in disguise?
Kai. He just has to leave his hair down and no one would know it was him. He uses hair gel, as Cole has said a couple times I think, because his hair looks like fire 🔥!
Little Johnny attends school regularly and often brings a box of sultanas as a gift to his favorite teacher.
One morning Little Johnny attends class without a box of sultanas.
The teacher enquires, why Johnny "where is my box of sultanas?"
Johnny replied, "Sorry, miss, my rabbit died."
Once, there was a woman who had a husband and a dog. The husband dies.
The dog would always sleep under the bed, and when the woman would go to sleep, she'd put her hand down, and the dog would lick it to say she/he was alright. One night, it was thunderstorming. She put her hand down and the dog licked normally. She heard the dog whimper, so she put her hand down like normal, as the dog always does, he/she licks her hand.
Then she heard dripping coming from the bathroom, so she went to go stop the leaking that might be coming from the tap, but the tap wasn't on, nor was it dripping. She turns on the light and looks up at the roof to see if the roof was leaking but turns out her dog was hung by its head above the bathtub.
On the mirror it said, "Humans can lick too," in the dog's blood.
This is a true story, don't be afraid to look it up!
Elmo: Welcome to the new micronation of Tickelandia.
Dude: Why are we close to Disneyland?
Kid: I don't know.
Elmo: Rule 1, you must not tell the forests or Bob Iger about us.
Meanwhile, Officer: Come on, Elmo, you're going to prison.
*Officer arrests Elmo*
Elmo: But who wants tickles?
A man comes to an assassin who charges $1000 per shot. He tells the assassin, "My wife's been cheating on me. I want you to shoot her in the head and shoot the guy in the dick." When they arrive, they wait. The man asks why he hasn't taken the shot. The assassin says, "I know how I can save you $1000."