The jokes
What's the hardest part about eating a vegetable?
Putting her back in the wheelchair when you're done.
What’s the most terrifying word in nuclear physics?
Oops!
The COVID-19 situation has been especially stressful for the Flat Earth Society.
They fear that social distancing measures could push people over the edge.
My girlfriend broke up with me because I quote Linkin Park too much.
But in the end, it doesn’t even matter.
Bro has to get a fringe to cover up the big, increasing hairline.
Memes
What did the tree say to the depressed kid?
"Stop hanging around."
What do they call Dwayne "the Rock" Johnson's son? The Pebble.
Your mum is so fat and so dumb that she took a spoon to the Super Bowl.
"This is the dude who assassinated JFK."
"If you got a question, just shoot!"
Goofy ahh grandpa fell down the stairs, and he said, "Damn!"
What hurts the most? 😹
A. Breaking up before chewing.
B. Breaking up after chewing.
You used to be someone’s sunshine, but sorry, the climate changed. 😂😂😂😂
Guy and Girl are in the shower talking to each other.
Guy: Let's drop the soap.
Girl: Let's do it!
Holy cow!
A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, “Have you heard about the mad cow disease that’s going around?”
“Yeah,” the other cow says. “Makes me glad I’m a penguin.”
Cereal is like... breakfast soup made out of corn flakes.
Ketchup is like... a smoothie because of the tomato.
Coffee is like... a bean drink energizer.
My life is like... the shoe rack-
Yo mama so ugly that when the Kool-Aid Man busted through her wall, he said, “Oh no!”
Yo mama so strict that when Ponyboy told her that Darry hit him, she called the cops on Darry.
Why the fuck is this guy calling me a crying bitch?
Hey guys! Just a reminder that the guy below me is a crying bitch! Have a good day!
See, this is the best thing about no such thing as vampires because I'd be the first person to say drinks are on me.