The jokes
Why are the Twin Towers mad?
Because they ordered a pepperoni pizza, and I got plane'd.
Why did the duck cross the road to get to his quack dealer?
Me when my girlfriend comes home, I check her phone and there are 100 texts from a different guy asking her out, and her text says yes.
Get the whip, you're out!
My boyfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of his Honda Civic, but I refused. If I’m going to have sex, it’s going to be on my own Accord.
What does it mean when there is a man in your bed, gasping for breath and saying your name?
It just means that you didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
Memes
My science teacher was talking about natural selection.
At one point, she asked me to name the first person to theorize about it. I said, "Eric Harris." It was on his shirt.
If you don't get the joke, look up "Eric Harris natural selection."
The short kid came earlier than I thought. Guess he came with such short notice.
What is the name of Hitler's WiFi?
The local Aryan network.
Ever wondered why Usain Bolt runs fast? He's training to outrun the cops.
Yo mama's so fat, when she walked by the TV when I was watching a show, I waited, and when she finally passed by, Netflix said suggestions: Hulu, and Peacock.
What do you call the ghost of a chicken? A poultrygeist!
You're so ugly, even the Twin Towers got a better upgrade than you!
Why were the Twin Towers destroyed?
Because they ordered pepperoni and they got plane.
What do orphans and apples not have in common... The apples get picked up.
What is the definition of auto masturbation?
Fellatio.
I never get off on the wrong foot.
"Hola, soy Dora. Do you see the cliff? Say, "backpack." Tell her that we need Amanda. While I push her off the cliff, you will not peek. Did you just peek? Close your eyes, you silly goose." The end.
Below I meant to say I set the gay person on fire.
What did the parent say to M.J.?
"Get off my kid!"
Yo mama so Karen that when she went to hell, she asked Satan for the manager.