The jokes
What's the difference between an orphan's dad and a boomerang?
The boomerang comes back.
Roses are red,
my life is a disaster,
the children are fast,
but the combine is F A S T E R!
Why do orphans live on the street?
They don't have parents to put a roof over their head.
What's an orphan's favorite battle zone? The home front.
Why did the autistic kid walk across a busy road?
He was chasing his mind and got hit by a car.
Why did Sally stare out the window for 24 hours straight?
Sally's used to being blind!
An LDS preacher knocks on the door with a chalice of wine offering to do the sacrament.
The person living there points and says, "Begone, foul blood-drinker!"
And promptly the preacher bursts into flames, leaving nothing but ash.
What happens when Helen Keller picks her nose?
She slurs her words...
What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?
The apple gets picked.
The moment when you're too depressed to fantasize about death--it's so tiring.
Why is Donald Trump under so much stress?
Because he signed up to be on an album where somebody says "no love for the rich" on it.
Yo mama, why do you have to jump in the pool as soon as I can find the water on Mario? I mean, Mario jump to Mars!
Why do orphans have water with their cereal?
Because dad never came home with the milk.
Who discovered shrimp were edible?
Probably the same one who invented the blowjob.
A customer asked me to look at their hairline. I time traveled back to the dinosaurs.
Me and my suicidal friend are close, so I took him to the mall to treat him.
We bought snacks, a new controller for his Xbox, and LED lights for his room to hopefully brighten his mood. After we scanned the last item, the machine beeped by itself.
What do you think about the game "Fortnite?"
Shit.
What do the Flintstones and the building next to the Twin Towers have in common? They both live next to the rubble.
What did the orphan's mum say before she abandoned her child?
OH it's a bitch.
What is the perfect job for a pedophile?
A physical doctor for kids.