The jokes
Why wasn’t the duck afraid to cross the road? Because he wasn’t chicken!
Stephen Hawking died because his wife misunderstood him when he said, "My Windows Needs Updating." She had the double glazing removed, and he fell out and died.
Why did the poop cross the street? Because it was trying to get in the toilet.
A kid and his dad went to the park. The kid accidentally steps on a cockroach.
They go home immediately and dad gets the scissors. Now the kid has some balls to play with.
How do I feed the baby with my pants on?
So the horse walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Why the long face?"
UwU
"Mine is 3 inches."
"That's not very lo..."
"From the ground."
Sally has no arms. She fell off the swing. Why? Someone threw a fridge at her. AAHAHAAAHHAHAH!
What’s the difference between a woman that doesn’t belong in the kitchen and Bigfoot?
Bigfoot is real.
The orphanage said I couldn't go home.
Your dad is gone.
Why did the mushroom get a new house?
Because there wasn’t mushroom!
Poipole walks into a bar and says “poipoipoipoi.”
The bartender says, “Sorry, but in order to get takeout, you have to know how to speak a foreign language.” Poipole says “Pika!”
Uranus is up in the sky today.
Why did the vegetable go to jail?
He kaled a man and stole a 9-carat gold bar.
If the teacher tells you to stand up if you're not gay and there's that one kid in the wheelchair.
What's long and black, the line to KFC.
What's the difference between a Lamborghini and a hostage?
I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Look at me again,
It will be the end of you.
I'd tell a Luigi joke, but it would fall flat faster than the line on his victim's heart monitor.
Alicia was not a popular girl. None of the guys noticed her. Once she got a boyfriend, but then he cheated on her with Katy and said, "You're not sexy enough, Katy is much hotter."
So Alicia took a match, set herself on fire, and screamed, "THIS GIRL IS ON FIRE!"
And then she died.