The jokes
So, my mom has hit me with a flip flop when I was bad, and when I cheated on my girl, right when the other girl came in, a flip flop came flying in the room.
Why was the Ethiopian baby crying?
It was having a mid-life crisis.
Mary is hanging out, and the angel Gabriel descends behind her. She looks behind her and says, "Jesus Christ!" and the angel Gabriel said, "So you already know."
How do you get an emo out of a tree?
You cut the rope.
Why did the orphan run into the street? To get to the other side of life.
Boy, look at your hair. It be looking like the McDonald's symbol.
If you don't like the video in 10 seconds, James Charles will sleep with you tonight.
I could never forget my grandfather's last words. "Stop shaking the ladd-"
Why didn't Stephen Hawking cross the road?
Because he rolled over to the other side!
What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?
"SUPPLIES!"
Yo mama is so ugly she's really the reason phone screens cracked!
What was going through the student's heads during a school shooting?
Bullets.
What time is it when you get home? Can you walk walk and a car and get home and get a walk home and get a dog đ? Today is the night I can drive.
What is the name of a show for kids?
Barney.
What's the difference between a Thanksgiving turkey and my kid?
I only stuff the turkey.
If you're feeling mad, punch an autistic kid. What's he gonna do, blabber to the teacher?
Yesterday on the school bus my friend in front of me said she was 41% Irish and 15% Mexican.
Then my friend sitting next to me said, âWow, almost half leprechaun!â
Then I said, âYeah, and 15 percent wall climber!â
Last night I was watching a Scotland Christmas movie...
And the part when Mary tells Joseph that she is pregnant, Joseph was surprised, and he exclaimed, "Jesus Christ!!!" I immediately stopped watching and changed the channel.
So, I was in the woods the other day raping this woman when she screamed, 'Please! Think of my children!' I said, 'Ooo, you kinky bitch.'
Whatâs the worst thing about having a sister with cancer? You canât pull on her hair.