The jokes

What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

A hippo is really heavy, a Zippo is a little lighter.

What is the best way to catch a baby from falling off the roof?

With a pitchfork.

Did you hear about the blonde that worked at the Dollar Store?

She called for a price check.

What’s the difference between Pikachu and an orphan?

Pikachu, I choose you!

What’s the best part about fucking a dead bitch?

You don’t need consent.

How do you know the baby's dead? The dog plays with it more.

What did the ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, it just waved.

I hate my life.

There was this Down syndrome boy that always wanted to be a cop, and he did. He pulled someone over and said, "Know why I pulled you over?"

The guy replied, "Because I was speeding?"

He said, "No, because you're black."

Man: How tall is a penguin?

Bartender: About three foot, why?

Man: Oh shit, the Bible-bashing nuns! I fucking hit one!

Poor car.

Most of the people here: That's not funny, lots of people died.

Bruh, why are you in here if you can't take a joke?

Imagine this scenario: a doctor walks in and tells the patient that he has all the illnesses in the world like this: "You have depression, diarrhea, cancer,... etc." and then the last one on the list is that he is deaf.

A depressed man has been thinking of killing himself, and his friend says, "Find Jesus instead, he'll help you!"

And then the man says, "It's pretty hard to 'get help' from something that doesn't exist."

Three gay guys walk into a bar.

There is only one stool left, what do they do?

They flip the stool over.

Who is the fastest reader? The 9/11 victims, because they went through 20 stories.

What’s the difference between an orphan and a sugar donut?

People want donuts.

The twin towers were just tryna take after the leaning tower of Pisa, but they lost their balance and fucked it up.

Why do orphans love McDonald's?

Because the initials are like "mother" and "father."

One day a rooster fell into a swimming pool and a cat laughed. And the moral of the story? A wet cock can always satisfy a pussy.

Your dick is so small they thought you were a girl when you came into the world.

What's the difference between an orphan and an orange?

One gets picked.