The jokes
I was eating this girl out the other night, and I tasted horse semen, so I said to her, "Oh, that's how you died, grandma!"
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I have a gun,
GET IN THE VAN!!
Little Johnny walks out to the garage and sees Dad smoking a cigarette. He asks, "Hey Dad, can I have a puff of that cigarette?" Dad asks, "Well, Johnny, can your dick reach your ass?" Little Johnny scratches his head and thinks about it for a moment. He then replies, "Well, no, Dad, my dick can't reach my ass." His Dad says, "There's your answer, Johnny..." Little Johnny goes back in the house.
About an hour later, Little Johnny comes back out to the garage and sees his Dad drinking a beer. He asks, "Hey Dad, can I have some of that beer?" Dad asks, "Well, Johnny, can your dick reach your ass?" Little Johnny scratches his head and thinks about it for a moment. He then replies, "Well, no, Dad, my dick can't reach my ass." His Dad says, "There's your answer, Johnny..." Little Johnny goes back in the house.
About an hour later, Little Johnny comes back out to the garage with a big plate of Tollhouse Chocolate Chip cookies, fresh from the oven. His Dad says, "Wow, Johnny, those sure look like some good cookies. You think I can have some?" Little Johnny asks his Dad, "Well Dad, can your dick reach your ass?" His Dad scratches his head and thinks about it for a moment. He then replies, "Well, yes, Johnny, I do believe my dick can reach my ass." Little Johnny says, "Well, Dad, you can go FUCK yourself, cuz Mom made these cookies for me!!!"
Why shouldn't you let a Chinese person play baseball?
'Cause they'll eat the bat!
What did one casket say to the other casket?
"Is that you coughin'?"
Where did Joe go after getting lost on the mine field?
Everywhere.
Why did everyone run from the Mexican when he went to the snack bar?
He said "¡Hola snack bar!" ¡Hola means hello in Spanish.
Ex Of Johnnys: I have a question.
Johnny: What?
Ex Of Johnnys: Am I pretty?
Johnny: Yes ofc jesus made everybody wonderfully!
Ex: Awhh!
Johnny: But whoever made you was painting Thomas the Train while making your face.
What are the four letters you don't want to hear from a dentist?
I C D K
My uncle died in 9/11. He was in the plane that crashed in the field.
When is the best time to go to the dentist?
2:30.
What happened when the depressed kid went to give it a high five?
It left him hanging.
What did the Chinese man say to his wife?
I'll chin you later.
How are genders different than the Twin Towers?
There are two genders.
Bully: You're a loser and fat.
Me: Shut up. The camera thought you were a house.
Why do orphans eat their cereal dry? Their dad hasn’t come back with the milk.
Why did the chicken cross the towers?
Because he ordered a plane pizza and didn’t get to the other side.
What do you call a country who needs another race just to be the best country in sports?
America.
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
What’s the difference between apples and orphans?
Apples get picked!