The jokes
Why was the dog so stressed out?
It had a ruff day.
What did the stepdad say to the flower? You're grounded!
Whoever put an "s" in the word "lisp" was a jackass!
Your mom: Your plate is full, that's enough food on your plate.
Me: My plate is not full, I still see the white of the plate.
Why do orphans love tennis? It's the only love they get.
In tennis, 0 points is love.
Memes
What chicken crossed the road? The donkey of the moneys.
What do you call a cow that no one likes? The mooser.
Why did the orphans go to the church?
Because they need someone to call "father."
Why is the sea salty? Because it is always blue.
Who are the fastest readers in the world? New Yorkers. They went through 110 stories in under 10 seconds.
What's the difference between a pizza and a guy you really hate?
One won't scream when you remove their meat.
Did you hear about the nasty tuna fish?
He was rotten to the albacore.
Why didn’t the toilet cross the road?
Because it got stuck in a crack!
Did you hear about the man who backed into a meat grinder?
I guess you could say... he was a little behind on his work.
What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
"Where's my tractor!"
Guys, there is no need to worry about anti-vaxxers. The more there are, the less there are.
Did you hear about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account? They were prime mates.
What did the iceberg say to the firefighter?
"Come close and I’ll knock you out cold!"
A grasshopper walked into a bar and sat down at the counter.
The bartender looked at him and said, "We have a drink named after you." The grasshopper replied, "Who names a drink Steve?"
What do bubbles get when they’re sick?
The suds.