The jokes
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it wanted to.
At school in a classroom, the teacher asked the kid, “If you have one dollar and your parents give you five dollars, how much do you have?” Everyone raised their hand except one little girl.
How much wood can a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? If you woodchuck on the world with that, you have a really deep in, and he says goodbye. When he says goodbye, you're like, "if you."
Stupid Mary Jane was swinging on the swing.
Her momma said, "Stupid Mary Jane, don't swing so high, the boys will see your underwear!"
Stupid Mary Jane laughed and laughed. She knew she wasn't wearing no underwear.
Did you know emo kids are the highest jumpers in the world? Some are still up there!
Memes
I hope both sides of your pillow are warm tonight.
My girlfriend is growing watermelons, not in the ground though (we had fun that night)!
Why can't Oregon go to the doctor?
Because they need parents' signature.
No matter how much I cry, the white people still left me hanging.
Who can jump the highest?
Emos, some of them are still falling.
I got in trouble in school today. The teacher said, "I'm gonna call your parents!"
I said, "Let me know when you find them." <3
Why was the emo jealous of the orange?
It came precut.
POV: The quiet kid starts playing "Pumped Up Kicks" in the parking lot before school.
:me😐
What is a kid's favorite thing to do with their dad?
Play pretend dog in the bed.
Seeing so many balding college students is so sad. Like, why the fuck is your hairline graduating before you?!?
These jokes have a good build up, but in the end, they all come crashing down.
Chef: “How did you enjoy your steak, sir?”
Customer: “I asked for it medium rare, but it’s well done!”
Chef: “Why thank you.”
Customer: “You don’t understand, the steak is well done!”
Chef: “Of course it is, I made it.”
Think about how many more girls we guys could get if we talked to them how we talk to other guys, like when they say, "Can I borrow a pencil?" You say, "You can borrow this hard wood dick."
What's the difference between the Twin Towers and McDonald's?
One's a drive-through and one's a fly-through.
When does a pentagon have 4 sides?
When a plane is in one of the sides.