The jokes

Nut

What did one nut say to the other nut? "The guy in the middle's a dick!"

Condom

How do you recycle a condom? Turn it inside out and shake the f *ck out of it!

Penaldo

I can't believe what just happened. I was at the bowling alley having a great time with my girlfriend when suddenly a man took all of our bowling pins! I asked him why and he said he needed more tapins to keep his career relevant. I instantly realized it was Penaldo!

Orphanage

A family put their kid and their dog in an orphanage but came back for only the dog.

Orphan

Why can't orphans use a phone?

Because they can't find the home button.

Doctor

A doctor walks into his office and looks his patient in the eyes, "Sir, you have to stop jerking off."

The man asks, "Why?"

The doctor then says, "Because I'm trying to examine you."

Robber

Why did the robber take a shower before his robbery?

So he could make a clean getaway!

Girl

A girl with no arms and one leg goes to her mother and asks: "Mom, next year for the carnival, can I dress up as a princess?"

The mother replies: "Why? Didn't you like the ice lolly dress from last year?"

Difference

What’s the difference between 69 and High School?

In 69 you usually only kiss one c*nt and look at one a**hole.

Cricket

What did the spectator miss when going to the toilet?

The entire English innings.