The Street Jokes

Kid asks, "What is dark humor?" Me *points*, "See that guy across the street..." Kid: "I can't... I'm blind." Me: "Exactly."

Two atoms are walking down the street, and they run into each other. One says to the other, "Are you all right?" "No, I lost an electron!" "Are you sure?" "Yeah, I’m positive!"

I want to thank all the sidewalks out there for keeping me off the street.

I was walking down the street one day and I passed the gun store. I walked in and everything was half off. I didn't know back to school sales had started already.

Stephen Hawking is such a bad role model for our kids.

He only ever looks one way when crossing the street.

What did one tampon say to the other tampon when they walked by each other on the street?

Nothing. They were both stuck up cunts!

You see a kid on the side of the street crying, so you go up to them and say, "Where are your parents?" The kid says, "What are parents?"

Why did Paul Walker cross the street?

Because he wasn't wearing his seatbelt.

A priest and a rabbi are walking down the street, and they come to a kid playing in a sandbox. The priest says, "Hey, you wanna go screw that kid?"

To which the rabbi replies, "Out of what?"

My friend and I were walking down the street, and we saw this one disabled kid getting bullied by three other kids. Urgently, we sprinted over to help. He had no chance against the five of us.

I was beefing with a dude in a wheelchair, so I took his wheelchair and threw it across the street and told him, "Walk it off, you will be fine."

One day, a priest is walking down the street and sees a little girl with a box. "What's in the box?" the priest asks. "Christian kittens," the little girl answers.

Pleased, the priest smiles and continues on his way.

A week later, the same priest is walking down the street with a nun when he sees the little girl and the box again. "Ask her what she has in the box," he says, "It's the cutest thing!"

The nun walks up and asks the girl what she has in the box. "Atheist kittens," she says.

The priest rushes forward and says, "ATHEIST KITTENS!!! Last week you said they were 'Christian kittens!!!'"

"They were," she says. "Now their eyes are open."

A woman approached me in the street the other day with one of those charity collection buckets and asked me: Do you know how often people die from AIDS?

I said: Now I'm no expert, but I think it's only once.

Two brothers play on the street. One of them finds a condom on the ground. Not knowing what it is, they go to their mum and ask what it is that they found. Mum gets mad and yells to throw that away immediately.

Guys go back to the yard, surprised why their mum got mad for just latex. One of them says: "Why did mum get so angry?" The other: "I have no idea, thankfully we did not tell her that we've eaten the yogurt inside!"

A German soldier is walking down the street during a hail storm when a lady suddenly falls over after being hit. He, along with a few others, walk over to her. One man asks, "What happened?" and the soldier replies, "Hail hit her."

A guy is bankrupt, so he gives his son a duck and tells him to go sell it for as much as he can. So the kid goes on the street to sell the duck. A prostitute walks by and says, "I'll f--ck you for $10." The boy says, "I would, but I don't have any money." She says, "Ok, I'll take the duck instead." He says, "Ok," so they go upstairs and f--ck. The prostitute says, "That's the best sex I've ever had. I'll give you the duck back, and we can do it again." So they do, and he gets the duck back. But when they go downstairs, the duck gets hit by a car. And the guy that hit the duck feels so bad that he gives the kid $25. So when he gets home, his father asks him why he looks so tired. The boy says, "Well, I got a f--ck for a duck, a duck for a f--ck, and $25 for a f--cked up f--ck."

So, there was this girl on the street that had no arms or legs, that said "Hey sir, I've never been fucked before, will you do the honors and fuck me?" So, I threw her in the ocean and said "Well, your fucked now."

Why was the snowman smiling?

Because he saw the snow blower coming down the street.

I told my mother I wanted a brother for Christmas. The next day, I saw her in the strip club across the street.

Good sex sounds like a white man walking across the street with flip-flops on.