That jokes

Somebody told me that black slang is just white slang in reverse. For example:

White person: Dad, you're home!

Black person: Dad?

White person: You can keep the change.

Black person: Empty the register.

Beauty is blind? Ya damn right, 'cause that's what happened when she saw your ass.

I actually want peace, not war.

That's what I always try reminding my girlfriend before beating her up.

If you are a student at law school, a law professor can charge you up to $98,998.00 for one semester.

If the law professor is very late and is not punctual to teach you anything about law in his class, should a law student be able to charge the law professor a certain amount of money for not being able to teach his class because he is off task and not being punctual? Is your time precious too?

If the law professor is Polish, now you know the reason why you should never go to a law school that has a "dumb polack" for a law professor.

Sorry for your luck; it sucks to be you!

I rule my women with an IRON FIST!!

Yeah, literally an iron that my fist is clenching against her face.

The best news about a pretty girl with special needs is that you can get her to do exactly what you want her to do.

I mean, she probably thinks receiving oral is like 100% blood sausage coming right at her.

Your mum's vagina is so ravenous, that last night we both ended up on the living room floor, with her on top. She was eating my creamy young face off.

Your mom's ass is so petite and big, I'd pound that till the Earth shakes.

Women should be seen and not heard.

But how would you control that if she was screaming "NO!!!" in the bedroom?

I'm so bored and miserable, that I have sex with my inflatable girlfriend every night.

The best part? She don't talk back.

Apparently there was a woman from Australia who had sex with 500 men in one day.

That's like a real life "Your mom" joke.

You really seem like you don't want to be laughing at that rape joke, but somewhat ironically, I'm forcing you.

Your hairline is so far gone that you could build a runway.

Your hairline is so far back that it looks like Putin's tanks steamrolled through.

I locked Terri Schiavo in the freezer.

Hey, I thought that's where you were supposed to put vegetables!

Women have eggs and milk in them...

And they say that they don't belong in the kitchen.

A boy sat in his bed, watching a meteor shower. He was a vengeful child and wished that his parents would no longer bother him whilst he was gaming.

The next morning, he woke up to find his mother had passed away in the night. Clearly his wish had worked. However, his father worked a midnight job, and as such the boy was very confused when he returned home from work, expecting him to have met the same fate.

The two of them then looked out the window in thought, only to find the milkman lying dead on the pavement.

There was a boy who owned a dog, who was walking while wearing headphones.

Upon entering a park, he saw a sign that read, "DOGS MUST HAVE LEAD". He continued into the park, and became immersed in the music.

After leaving the park 20 minutes later and turning around for the first time in a while to remove the lead, the sight of his now-dead, freshly-poisoned dog reminded him of the importance of heteronyms.

How names were named.

"I have to go because my tailor is at the gym where he will chase coal before dawn."

"SAY THAT AGAIN. SO MANY GOOD NAMES!"

This is how big cats were named.

"I HATE BIG CATS. THAT ONE IS A LIAR, THAT ONE IS A CHEATER. THE ONE IS A POO-MA."

"Lion. Cheetah. Puma. You're getting a promotion."