Today was a terrible day. My ex got hit by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.
A blind woman tells her boyfriend that she’s seeing someone. It’s either really terrible news or really great news.
Wanna hear a terrible Joke?
Paper
Pretty tear-able, huh?
An old woman goes to the doctor complaining of extremely smelly gas. "I don't understand it, Doc", she said, "I have this terrible, terrible gas". "Thankfully", she added, "they are at least silent when I fart". Doctor hands her a bottle of pills, tells her take them all and then come back to see him. The old woman returned a short time later extremely mad. "I took those pills like you said and not only is my gas smelly, but now when I fart they are obnoxiously loud!", she yelled. The doctor said, "well, now that we've solved your hearing problem, let's see what we can do about that gas".
A police officer writes a ticket for a car not being parked correctly. The driver asks why. When he realizes he is parked poorly, he responds "Oh. I'm terribly sorry. You see, I'm so gay I can't even park straight."
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
It’s the World Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right next to the pitch. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone will be sitting there. ‘No,’ says the neighbor. ‘The seat is empty.’ ‘This is incredible,’ said the man. ‘Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Final and not use it?’ The neighbor says, ‘Well actually the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first World Cup Final we haven’t been to together since we got married.’ ‘Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that. That’s terrible....But couldn’t you find someone else, a friend, relative or even a neighbor to take her seat?’ The man shakes his head. ‘No,’ he says. ‘They’re all at the funeral.’
Obama, Trump and Clinton are on the Titanic. The ship hits the iceberg and is going down.
Obama: This is terrible! We've got to do something -- save the women and children! Trump Screw the women and children! Clinton: Do you think we have time...?
What do you call terrible milk?
Udder Bullshit
Once there were twins, Mark and Michael, Mark was the owner of a old boat. It so happened that Michael's wife died the same day that Mark's boat sank. A few days later, a kindly old woman saw Mark and mistook him for Michael. She said, "I'm sorry to hear about your loss. You must just feel terrible. "Mark, thinking that she was talking about his boat, said, "Heck no. In fact, I'm sort of glad to be rid of her. She was a rotten old thing right from the beginning. Her bottom was all shrivelled up and she smelled like old dead fish. She was always losing her water; she had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front too. Every time I used her, her hole got bigger and she leaked like crazy. I guess what finally finished her off was when I rented her to these four guys looking for a good time. I warned them that she wasn't very good, but they wanted to use her anyhow. The fools tried to get in her all at once and she split right up the middle!" The old lady fainted. 🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂
Sister: your adopted
Me: at least they wanted me, they must feel terribly bad cuz they had to keep you :(
“Hotel Rwanda” has a high score on Rotten Tomatoes. But their Yelp reviews are terrible.
The amount of women judging me for raping a poor lady is terrible. You weren't there. You don't know!
There once was a man from Peru.who dreamed he was eating his shoe. He woke up at night ,with a terrible fright,to find out his dream had come true.
I bought the worlds worst thesaurus yesterday. Not only is it terrible, its terrible.
Ps. My brother made this up when he had no meds.... I almost died 😅
What does ATM stand for........
Answer: Amy’s Terrible Mom
😂🤣
People were deciding how to punish a terrible criminal and one man came up with a great idea. He sat him in a movie theater with no food at all and made him watch a 12 hour documentary about the country Hungary
Person: So you know that persons name you say when you make a hoop, well he's dea Friend: Yeah John Wilkes Booth Person: How dare you say that he killed Abraham Lincoln. Friend: Terrible guy but he never missed a shot
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
Why are orphans terrible at baseball they never get home runs
