Mom: Son, where are my condoms?
Son: What are condoms?
Dad: She puts it on me and the sandwich.
Son: Wait, why did my girlfriend come over and take one?
Dad: Um, I don't know, but go to bed.
Son: But it's 2:46pm in the afternoon, bruh.
Teenager Jokes
What's the difference between a Catholic priest and acne?
Acne waits until you're 13 to come on your face.
What does Jeffrey tell his white teens?
You want to take it orally or through anal? Joke, I'm not asking.
What do you call a group of Emo kids?
Suicide Squad.
What jumps and never let's go?
An Emo kid.
I bet all Emos want to be like their biggest influencers some day.
Dead.
Why do Emos want to be the "Scene" these days?
The only thing I've "Scene" from them is their suicide rate climbing, it's starting to climb quicker than they did to get to the top of whatever they jumped off.
I got detention yesterday because I told the emo kid to "Hang in there."
Some girl just walks into my 6th period geography class. The first thing I think is, "Oh shit! It's mini Regina George without titties!"
When there's no piñata at the party, but the emo kid just hung himself.
When I get home from school, I always lay on my floor crying and wishing I was dead.
Ayo Lucas, a sussy baka!
What is an emo kid's favorite song?
"Chain Hang Low" because he hangs low off a chain tied to a tree.
Why couldn't the emo kid hang himself?
After eating through his feelings, the belt wouldn't fit around his neck.
When the depressed kid runs out of eyeliner, so he says "fruit ninja" with his wrists.
Question: Why does my teenage brother wear a cape to bed?
Answer: Because he can't sleep in his race car bed...
Why did the emo kid get kicked out of the amusement park?
He kept cutting in line.
I don’t see why emo kids don’t like to hang around.
I see them hang all day.
The emo kid ran away after his parents asked why they took the barcode sticker off the Oreos.
I wish my grass was emo, then it would cut itself.
There were 30 high school seniors taking finals, and once they finished, the teacher, Mrs. Jones, walked up and down the classroom to collect the tests, and asked, "So, are you guys ready for college?" And Brian answered, "No way. School is just a waste of time, every day taking *seven cruel hours of our lives*." Angela replied, "Never! Like Brian said, school is just a waste of time, and the next level is surely not worth paying $50,000 for. Besides, math class is *mental abuse to humans*!" And Jack said, "School has been a waste of so much time I'll never get back, and after these *finals* I've realized... *fuck, I never actually learned shit*!"
When I was 14, my mum caught me wanking, and she slapped me across the face. A couple weeks later, my dad caught me having a beer, and he made me drink 40 beers. I just thought, "Well, I'm glad he didn't catch me wanking."
Brian has a crush on a cute girl, Sally, from school, so he goes and tells his dad about her, and he says, "Sorry, son, you can't like her; she is your sister." So Brian is okay with it, and he starts to like another girl, Madison, and he goes up to his dad and says, "I have a crush on this girl, Madison," and again the dad goes, "Oh, sorry, son, you can't like any girl in school; they are all your sisters." So he goes crying to his mom and says, "Dad said I can't like any girl because they are all my sisters," and the mom goes, "Oh, it's okay; you can like any girl you want because he is not your dad."
