Stupid jokes

Stupid Jokes

String

So, there are these 3 strings, they walk into a bar. People are giving them looks. The small chap is your typical thin cord. He walks to the barman and asks for a rum and coke. He replies, "Oii, your kind ain't welcomed here, so take your drink, mates, and fuck off."

He goes back to his mates and says, "We'd better get outta here." "Nonsense," replies the mid guy, he's your typical string. Goes to the barman and same story. Finally the last guy, he's your typical rope. He burst out, "Fuck this!" He twits and ties himself whilst messing up his hair. He struts up to the barman and asks for a rum and coke. The barman does so and whilst he prepares the drink, he opens with, "Say, aren't you a string?" "No, I'm a frayed knot."

Gun

Roses are red,

Violets are blue,

I have a gun,

GET IN THE VAN!!

  • 1
  • Playground

    Two guys are on the playground. One guy says to the other, "Did you know that Hellen Keller had a playground in her backyard?" The other guy said, "No." The first guy says, "Neither did she."

    Chimney

    What did the big chimney say to the little chimney? "You're too young to smoke."

    Forehead

    Someone said to me they like greasy food with gravy.

    I said no wonder your forehead's so greasy.

    Chicken

    Why did the chicken cross the road?

    Because he was stapled to the punk rocker.

    Mama

    Your mama is so fat that all restaurants say, "Maximum weight 240KG or your mum!"