Street Jokes

There was a woman named sally. She loved to have sex with other people. One time, she had sex with me. I noticed she her bra size was 69 (+69). That is fucking big! Ok, then when her partner was pissing, he told her she should call the doctor. So she dialed 2063512000 (+2000) and called the doctor. The office was on 51st street ave NE (+51). Holy shit, the doctor said! The boots were so big that she had to take 8 pills (x 8). The next morning, she was ________.

69 + 51 + 2000 x 8 = 55378008 (flip calculator)

Boobless.

So a lady was walking down the street with two bags and one of the bags was leaking $100 bills and a cop pulls up and he says “ma’am ma’am your bag is leaking hundred dollar bills” then she says “Oh thank you I wonder how long that’s been going on” and the cop says “ before I help you may I ask why your bag is leaking $100 bill” and the Lady says “OK I’ll tell you so I live next to a stadium and I have this beautiful rose garden but he’s dumb teenagers always try and pee on the rosebushes so they stick their junk through the fence and I grabbed your junk I said $100 dollars or its coming off” the cop says “oh OK well what’s the other bag for” and she says well not all of them want to give me $100.

A man goes into the streets of Moscow and yells, “I am tired of this guy with a silly mustache and stupid rules being a leader!” A soldier heard him, so he goes and catches him, later he brings the man to Stalin. The soldier says to Stalin what happened and Stalin asks the man, “Who were you thinking about when you yelled in the streets?” The man responds, “Of course, I was thinking about Hitler!” Stalin lets him go but then he stops the soldier and says, “Who were YOU thinking about?”

This dude is so fat wearing the same damn clothes everyday. Everytime he turn around it's his graduation day he forgot to put a boomerang on his pants cause they don't even fit no more.last time I saw him coming down the street it was in a bucket of popeye"s chicken extra crispy.

What was the movie about the dog called?

The woof of wall street

Any body have nothing to do? Well here is a prank that you'll never forget!

( Btw I never actually did this irl yet)

So tell your parents at night to come in in about 30 minutes cuz your legs hurt and you need them rubbed. So when they come in, pretend like your sleeping and right before they go out shout: NO! Then they will look at you but you'll be sleeping. (The idea is that you'll be sleep talking.) Then you start to cuss and say the most random things like: Hey you can't chew my cud it's mine, plus, you even went swimming today at that damm lake! Also say something like: YOU SON OF A BITCH! *swat in the air once* Then say: Why a made your f*ckin' bed today you stupid parents! *swat three times* And btw try and not smile as hard as it may be cuz they will be looking at you weird. And try to open your eyes just enough so you can see them. And depending on the tipe of parent you have they may wake you up by then or they will get interested and start laughing! Any way, then say: That mother f*cker that lives across the street just said I was ugly, you should do something about it(sibling name) ______. And also say: And if you happen to know where the nearest store is then that would be helpful. Then say: No Hulk! Leave me alone I love you! *swat twice*. Then say: Uncle Timmy Tom you are such a nude nick.(my dad made up the word nude nick, it just means crazy and annoying ) Then settle down and lay on your stomach in your "sleep" and make it look like you putting the blanket on you more, but irl it would probably be to hide a smile! I think I will stop there cuz I don't think any one could hold in there laughter that long and if you feel like you can hold out longer then just make something up.

I hope you guys can do this and it goes well for you! Please comment! Byeee!

The streets go blank in the dead of the day not a car to be seen A kingdom of corona-cation and it looks like moms the queen The wind is howling with this virus in the air Couldn't keep it in china everyone knows it's everywhere Don't let friends in don't be afraid Be the good girl you always have to be Conceal don't feel your insanity That the virus caused!! Don't let it go! Don't let it go! You have to hold it back a little more! Don't let it go! Don't let it go! Turn away and slam your doors! I don't care what the government says! Let me go to my friends house Sickness doesn't get to me anyway. It's funny how some distance makes everyone insane And the fears that once controlled me are here and present oh well! It's time to see what I can do to test the limits and break through! No right no wrong but stay inside! WERE NOT FREEEE!! Don't let it go! Don't let it go! Be one with the peace inside!! Don't let it go! Don't let it go! Watch sad movies and cry!! Here I stand!! And here I'll stay!! Cause I have nothing better to do The virus flurries through the air into my house! The storm is spiraling fear and fractals all around!! And one thought makes you wanna scream and shout out loud!! What if we never go back? What if the past is in the past???? DONT LET IT GO DONT LET IT GO!! And you'll rise at the break of noon! DONT LET IT GO DONT LET IT GO!! That's morning girl is gone!! HERE I STAND IN THE DEAD OF NIGHT CAUSE THATS WHEN I WOKE UP!! Let the virus rage on!!!!!! The sickness never gets to me anyway. DING.

A bus full of ugly people is driving down the street. The bus crashes and everyone goes to heaven. They see Saint Peter and he feels bad for them and grants them one wish before they go into heaven. The first one says, "I wish to be attractive." The second one says the same.

Meanwhile, the 3rd person in line is giggling and snickering and laughing while Saint Peter is granting wishes. Curiously, he asks why he is laughing. He says, "I was going to wish that they turned ugly again."

I was driving when I saw a kid chasing after a ball but I didn’t have enough time to slow down. Then I pulled over and the dad yelled “What the fuck did you do” I looked into the street and saw the ball completely deflated and the kid crying “Now I gotta hear him bitch and moan all day” he continues

Chocolate rain Some stay dry and others feel the pain Chocolate rain A baby born will die before the sin Chocolate rain The school books say it can't be here again Chocolate rain The prisons make you wonder where it went Chocolate rain Build a tent and say the world is dry Chocolate rain Zoom the camera out and see the lie Chocolate rain Forecast to be falling yesterday Chocolate rain Only in the past is what they say Chocolate rain Raised your neighborhood insurance rates Chocolate rain Makes us happy 'livin in a gate Chocolate rain Made me cross the street the other day Chocolate rain Made you turn your head the other way Chocolate rain History quickly crashing through your veins Chocolate rain Using you to fall back down again Chocolate rain History quickly crashing through your veins Chocolate rain Using you to fall back down again Chocolate rain Seldom mentioned on the radio Chocolate rain It's the fear your leaders call control Chocolate rain Worse than swearing worse than calling names Chocolate rain Say it publicly and you're insane Chocolate rain No one wants to hear about it now Chocolate rain Wish real hard it goes away somehow Chocolate rain Makes the best of friends begin to fight Chocolate rain But did they know each other in the light? Chocolate rain Every February washed away Chocolate rain Stays behind as colors celebrate Chocolate rain The same crime has a higher price to pay Chocolate rain The judge and jury swear it's not the face Chocolate rain History quickly crashing through your veins Chocolate rain Using you to fall back down again Chocolate rain History quickly crashing through your veins Chocolate rain Using you to fall back down again Chocolate rain Dirty secrets of economy Chocolate rain Turns that body into GDP Chocolate rain The bell curve blames the baby's DNA Chocolate rain But test scores are how much the parents make Chocolate rain Flippin' cars in France the other night Chocolate rain Cleans the sewers out beneath Mumbai Chocolate rain 'Cross the world and back it's all the same Chocolate rain Angels cry and shake their heads in shame Chocolate rain Lifts the ark of paradise in sin Chocolate rain Which part do you think you're livin' in? Chocolate rain More than marchin', more than passing law Chocolate rain Remake how we got to where we are Chocolate rain History quickly crashing through your veins Chocolate rain Using you to fall back down again Chocolate rain History quickly crashing through your veins Chocolate rain Using you to fall back down again

little johnny was walking on the street alone one day and saw a robber. Little Johnny says to him "give the mother fucking broken ass piece of shit back." to which the robber says "FUCK YOU I don't wanna." little johnny calls the police and says " A robber is stealing a broken ass piece of shit purse. the police said "how old are you." little johnny then hangs up the phone

I have a cow over my house spending the night with me because she has been out in the streets homeless and poor so my family force it to come and live with me at my place. The cow ask me where do I keep all the dairy items like the milk cheese yogurt and meat? In the refrigerator where do you think i keep on the farm with all the rest of those cows? That night we had to share a room and sleep in the same damn bed then she starting getting high and drinked some cow wine with titty milk and it made her shit all over the bed.

So one day, I took a trip to Russia, and saw Vladimir Putin walking in the streets without any body guards. Seeing as how I looked just like him, we switched places for a few days. After two days, some officer came up to me and asked if we were going to project блять, and I had said yes, and the officer said god help us. So a day later, I heard on the news that every other continent, and the moon were destroyed. I then approached the officer and said. I thought you meant we were having a giant orgy. He said we did, and that we were extremely drunk.

We got a. Number one victory royale, yeah Fortnite we boutta get down! Get down! Ten kills on the board right now, just wiped out tomato town! My friend’s gone down, I revived him now we’re heading southbound! Now we’re in the pleasant park street, look at the map, go to the marked sheet!

So Timmy was walking down the street with his friend Lea. Suddenly a car drives by and Timmy waves at the car. Lea looks at his puzzled then later asks him; "Why'd you wave at that car back there?" Timmy replies "Oh that was my brother, he went to the bar. He must just be driving home..

So 3 guys are walking down the street together and decide to go rob a bank. The first one goes for the richest man in the city’s vault but can’t open it easily, and is caught and sent to death in jail for robbing the richest man. The second one goes for his uncles vault because screw that son of a b***h he’s rich why does he need all the money. But his uncle was unfortunately at the vault that day and snapped his nephews neck. The third one went for his ex’s vault and thought “well that b***h can suck my d**k she’s so poor anyway who would care if I take all her money so she dies of hunger and dehydration and homelessness” so he managed to get into her vault easily because it wasn’t heavily locked and took all her money. The next day the third guys ex showed up to his house and said “imma f*****g murder you” so she shot him dead and got her money from his house. In hell the three guys see each other and explain what happened. The third guy did and then asked “you know I don’t get it. If the richest guys are heavily guarded but already have so much money in their house why does it need to be heavily guarded? I don’t understand why the poorer aren’t heavily guarded when they are so poor they need the money.” And the first guy said “b***h I don’t know maybe the bank tellers think poor people should suck it and just die already”