Store

Store Jokes

Orphan

What is an orphan's least favorite store?

Family Dollar, they just can’t seem to find one.

Priest

Two priests walk into a store, and cops come up to them and say they’re looking for a child molester, and the priests both say, "I’ll do it!"

Mama

Yo mama so fat when she goes to the shoe store, she needs to take their advice and get XXXXL.

Suicide

A suicidal customer walks into a gun store.

Cashier: Is this your final purchase?

Customer: Actually, yes it is!

Sprite

My husband asked me to get 6 cans of Sprite at the store. I realized when I got home that I had picked 7-Up.

Mama

Yo mama so old, she walked into an antique store, and they didn't let her leave.

Condom

Why can't a citizen in communist China, especially a Chinese male who is between 18-29 years old, buy a box of condoms in a drug store in communist China?

Because the condom would be too big for the penis of Chinese men in communist China.

Supermarket

I walked into a supermarket to get some ordinary clothes for the wife. Then I realized I was in a rape museum.

Guy

Look, Bono is a great guy, but shopping with him is a pain, because he still hasn't found what he is looking for.

Stuff

Me: What do we need from there? I have a few things to do before I head out to the store, and then I will be home to pick up the stuff.

Random person: What stuff? 🤨

Me: What?

The person: You said you’re going to pick up “the stuff”!!! What do you mean by that?!

Me: Colourful flamingo fart.

Brother

A sister told her brother to walk to the store, buy some candy, and watch a movie with her while eating the candy.

But he couldn't walk because he has no legs. He couldn't buy candy because he has no arms. He couldn't watch a movie because he was blind, and he couldn't eat because he has no stomach. Who said he was real?

Kid

There's no Asian kids in my class, but it just happens to be the rice store and the pet store just ran out of stock...

Orphan

Why can’t orphans build anything?

Because they can’t go to Home Depot.

Comeback

An ugly, arrogant woman walked into a store with her 2 kids, yelling at them.

The store clerk pleasantly said, "Good morning ma'am and welcome. Nice children, are they twins?"

The ugly woman stopped yelling and said, "Hell no they are not, one is 9 and the other is 7. Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or just bloody stupid?"

The clerk replied, "I'm neither blind nor stupid ma'am, I just can't believe someone would screw you twice."

Backpack

You know that at Walmart they have backpacks next to the guns? Well, I thought that it was nice to see the bags next to the school supplies.