SOS jokes

Why was the orphan so successful?

They told him, "Go big or go home," he only had one option.

You're so fat the only letters of the alphabet you know are K, F, and C.

Dad: We are giving your toys to the orphanage.

Kid: Why?

Dad: So you won't get bored.

So the coach got mad at me because I'm the only one on my team who is only a bit on the spectrum, and I was just keeping the ball to myself. The coach pulled me aside and said, "Pass to others." I said, "Why?" And he said, "There's no 'I' in 'team.'" I said, "Yeah, but there's an 'm' and an 'e.'"

I went to my sister's room one day. I saw a trophy, so I asked my sister how she won it. My sister said the neighbors gave it to her because she gave out the best hand jobs in the neighborhood. I guess my sister put her hands to good use.

I was in math class, and we were learning geometry. My teacher said, "PENTAGON!" then all of a sudden, PENALDO burst into the room! He thought we were talking about PENS, so he came looking for some because he's a finished pen merchant! Shame on you, Penaldo, for ruining my education! 🤬

Yo mama so fat it took Thanos 2 snaps.

My friends were really annoying me at my birthday party, so I decided to pop a balloon to spook them.

Maybe going on a hot air balloon ride wasn't the best idea.

What's so similar between a pregnant 14 year old and the sperm inside her? They're both thinking, "Oh shit, my mum is gonna kill me!"

So, I heard Bounty, the maker of paper towels, has decided to get into the Male Enhancement business...

...their new slogan?

The Quicker Pecker Upper.

My sister gives her hamster to my brother since she thinks I'm irresponsible, so I throw it out the window.

A fat girl was dancing on the table, and I said, "Nice legs." She says, "You really think so?" And I say, "Yes, definitely, most tables would have been broken by now."

Yo mama so fat, when she took a picture of herself, her phone ran out of storage.

Yo mamma is so dumb that she smokes to burn calories!

Some guy called me a tool. So I got hammered and nailed his girlfriend. Guess he was right.

Why did God create yeast infections?

So women would know what it's like to live with an annoying cunt.

Yo mama so ugly, when she tried to enter an ugly contest, they said they didn't allow professionals.

Yo mama so old, her birth certificate expired.

Yo mama so fat, when she bought a fur coat, she made a whole species extinct.

So I went to the binoculars shop the other day. Tell you what, they saw me coming.