SOS jokes

Why did they invent glow-in-the-dark condoms? So gay people can play Star Wars.

Why is America so bad at chess?

Because they already lost two towers.

Me and my little brother were playing Call Of Duty. He wasn't doing very good, so I told him so. My brother said to me, "At least I don't have to camp in order to get kills." I then responded with, "I would call you cancer, but at least cancer kills."

Jack and Jill went up the hill, so Jack could lick her candy. But Jack got a shock and a mouth full of cock, 'cause Jill's real name was Randy.

Why are Japanese always so skinny?

Cause last time there was a fat man, an entire city disappeared.

I bought a wooden whistle. But it wooden whistle. So I bought a steel whistle. But it steel wooden whistle. So I bought a lead whistle. But it steel wooden lead me whistle. So I bought an iron whistle. But ironically it steel wooden lead me whistle.

Why is the USA so bad at chess?

Because they already lost two towers.

The little camel asks his mother: "Mum, why do we have these big humps?"

"Because in these humps there is some water, and in the hot desert we can drink."

"And Mum, why do we have this large fur?"

"Because the desert at night is so cold, and then we don’t feel cold."

"And Mum, why do we got these big hoofs?"

"Because the desert sand is hot, and the hoofs save us from the hot sand."

"But Mum, what the fuck are we doing here in the national zoo?"

Your mama so fat the flash died halfway running around her.

Some trans "woman" came up to me and told me to act my age so I told him to act his gender

I saw a guy raping a girl in the park, so I decided to help. She didn't stand a chance against the two of us.

Once a woman suspected that her husband was fucking their daughter at night. So she made a plan. That night, she gave her daughter sleeping pills and told her husband that you go to sleep, I have a headache and I will sleep on the sofa in the drawing room today. After everyone slept, she picked up her sleeping daughter and laid her on the sofa and went to her bed and lay down. After an hour, the door of the room opened and one man entered the room and jumped on the bed and fucked her intensely for 2 hours. Then she turned on the light with the bed switch and said, "You definitely didn't expect me." "I definitely didn't expect you, MOM! But you are more delicious than sister"! Her son replied in surprise!

Yo mama so fat, when she bought a fur coat, she made a whole species extinct.

Yo mama so ugly, when she tried to enter an ugly contest, they said they didn't allow professionals.

Yo mama so old, her birth certificate expired.

Yo momma is so ugly, she made my Happy Meal cry.

Some guy called me a tool. So I got hammered and nailed his girlfriend. Guess he was right.

Your hairline is so far away that even the Hubble Telescope can't see it.

Yo mama's hairline got so many peaks and valleys, you thought you were looking at the Grand Canyon.

Your hairline goes so far back it remembers the big band.