SOS jokes

So, a man finds a woman on a train track while he's on his way to a bar, and they had a lot of sex.

When he gets to the bar, he brags about the different sex positions they used, and one of the guys says, "Oh, did you do head?"

He responded with, "No, I couldn't find the head."

Your mama is so ugly, she tried summoning Candyman, but he refused to come!

Your mom is so fat when you printed the picture, it would not stop printing! 😂🤣

Your teeth are so yellow they slow down traffic.

John and Chloe are in school arguing about who has the more heroic grandfather.

Chloe says, "My grandfather killed 50 Nazis, he's so heroic!"

John says, "So what? My grandfather KILLED Hitler!"

Why was the orphan so successful?

Because people always said, "Go big or go home," and he only had one option. 😂🤣

Your hairline is so far back it was friends with the dinosaurs!

"Give it to me! Give it to me!" she yelled. "I'm so wet, give it to me now!" She could scream all she wanted, but I was keeping the umbrella.

My homework was to watch as much porn as I can... and tell my teacher the details so he won't get in trouble for watching it during class.

My wife said I had no sense of direction... so I packed my sh*t and left.

I once called a depressed guy [to ask] why he loves ropes so much, and he left HUNGing on the phone. (I'm not English, so I could've talked bad.)

Yo mama is so ugly that your dad has to be drunk to bring her home.

Somebody told me to cheer up so.... I told him to pass me a rope :)

What is an orphan's favorite game? Sims, so they can make a family to have.

Your hairline is so far gone that it looks like someone dropped a nuclear bomb on it.

Yo mama so stupid, she tried to climb Mt. Dew.

When his dick is really, really small, but you pretend it is so big it hurts so you don’t make him feel bad 'cause he is a nice guy.

What do you say to a depressed special kid?

“Why so down?”

A teacher says, "If you have one dollar and your parents give you 5 dollars, how much do you have?"

Everyone raised their hands except for a little girl in the front, but the teacher called on her anyway.

The girl said, "My parents left me, so I would have one dollar."

A: Why are you so sad?

B: I was watching porn, and all of a sudden my wife opened the door.

A: Ok, I see, but is that really such a big deal?

B: I mean, she opened the door in the movie!