SOS Jokes

So imagine bullying an orphan so bad they cry, and then you say, "What are you gonna do, tell your parents?"

My friend is blind so he can "no see."

Your hairline is so far back your mom can't cut it.

Bitches do be so flat, you would think they have breast cancer.

Your mum's so fat, she's the iceberg that sunk the Titanic!

A young person is sitting on a bench, looking at their phone. Below the image is text that asks "IS YOUR CHILD TEXTING ABOUT their diarrhea?" followed by a list of funny definitions for common texting abbreviations. For example, "brb = bathroom bonanza", "lol = lots of liquid", and "smh = so many hemorrhoids".

Why do nuns go around in pairs?

So one nun makes sure the other nun doesn't get none!

I wish my dog was depressed so she can cut her own nails.

Yo mama so fat and old, she lifted her boob to wash under it, and a pilgrim fell from under it.

Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to help check her balance. So I pushed her over.

Yo mama is so fat, when she came on this website, the whole server crashed!

My dog was hungry, so I let him loose outside while I filled his bowl.

I found out later that he was run over by a truck. It seemed to really hit the Spot.

So many of these jokes are unoriginal, and you guys need to step up your game.

So what is the difference between a real doctor and a doctor of philosophy?

One cures the sick and the other makes them sick!

A sailor drops anchor in a port and heads into the nearest pub. Everyone in the pub is whispering and pointing at him because of his odd shaped body; he has a very muscular body, but a very tiny head on his shoulders.

As he orders his drink, he tells the bartender, "I'll explain. I get this in every port and town I visit. I caught a mermaid and she granted me three wishes if I would release her back into the sea. So I told her I wanted a yacht and, sure enough, she came through for me. Next, I asked for a million bucks and now I am set for life. Last of all, I asked her if I could have sex with her and her response was, 'I don't know how you can make love to me with your type of body.' So I asked her, 'How about a little head?'"

When I was walking home, a couple of married guys were saying, "Your mom is good at her job," but I realized my mom doesn't work.

So I ask my mom, "Why are these guys saying you're good at your job? You don't work." My mom said, "Yeah, I got a new job." So I said, "What do you do?" My mom said, "Job hand, no, I mean it's called a hand job."