SOS jokes

911 what's your emergency?

"Burning in toaster."

"Toast?"

"Yeah so your calling 911 because of burnt toast?"

"Set fire to my forest!"

Being a police officer in Nunavut must be so fun. They get to play Cut the Rope on the job all the time!

Yo mama so fat, when she jumped in the ocean, the whales said, "We are family, even though you're fatter than me!"

Your dad's hairline was so long that he died.

"Hey, I heard you were a bit down—where's John?"

"He died."

"Oh, I'm so sorry, but I got you food."

(After they eat) "Hey, how did John taste seasoned and cooked?"

I'm such a good babysitter because the last person I babysat was so flat.

Yo momma's so fat, when she gets in a monster truck, it turns into a lowrider.

I got fired from my job at the bank today.

An old lady came in and asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

Ur mom was so fat that even Jon Brower Minnoch was ten times less fat.

Yo mama so fat she needs to sit on 2 chairs.

Yo mama so fat, she takes up the whole bed.

Yo mama so ugly, her mirror broke.

Yo mama so fat when she walked all we knew was EARTHQUAKE!

Yo mama so fat, when she was wearing black by a bank which was getting robbed, they thought, "AHH SWAT!"

Yo mama so fat when she walks the earth talks!

LMAO

Yo mama so fat, when she farts, it's counted as a new gas element.

Yo mama so fat, she meets every world leader there is!

lmao

Why does a blind man still have eyes?

So he can see that he can't see.

Yesterday my mom forgot to go grocery shopping, and I was starving, so I kept opening the fridge about 100 times, but nothing new was in there.

TJ's hairline is so far back, his friends don't even want to talk to him.