SOS Jokes

Why was an oven so smart?

It had 70 degrees.

Me: Mom, can I have some makeup?

Mom: No. You are beautiful just the way you are.

Me: So that’s why you wear makeup?

So I went to my friend's house and he told me to make myself at home, so I kicked him out. I don't like visitors.

Your mamma is so fat that she has a gravitational pull.

Helen Keller is so Helen Keller-y that nobody will be as good as Helen Keller.

i would try so hard not to laugh if that person was next to me

A picture of Shrek with the text "WHEN THE TEACHER IS YELLING AT SOMEONE AND YOU TRY NOT TO LAUGH".

Your mom is so overweight that she broke the stairway to heaven.

Is there a really annoying girl at your school and she's so fake? Well, say this:

Me: Hey, I have a nickname for you.

Her: Really? What?

Me: Sweet-in-low.

Her: Why?

Me: Because you're artificial.

Roads be so rough in Oklahoma, I saw a high lifted truck get ended riding lower than a Hot Wheels car.

Your hairline is so far back you look like Frankenstein.

Yo mama is so fat that when she walked past the TV, I missed three episodes.

Yo mama so fat, she uses the Gulf of Mexico as her hot tub!

Why do orphans like Minecraft? So they can build a home...

But a creeper blows it up.

Why do orphans want a phone so bad?

Because it has a home button.

I saw an ad that said, "By the time this ad is over, two identities would have been stolen." So, I did what I had to do and skipped the ad! You're welcome to the two people's identities I saved!

I was in math class when my teacher gave us homework, and she said to me, "You're gonna get an F this time." So I went back home, and f**k my teacher.