SOS jokes
Nobody really liked our fireplace.
So I turned it into a brick pizza oven. Idk why, but now everyone likes our fireplace.
It was so cold out today believe it or not, I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets!
Why does a woodpecker have a beak?
So as to not smash his head against the tree.
Why does it take so long for the pirates to learn the alphabet?
Because they spend years on C! Pirate: A, B, sea?
A man walked into a shop and asked the shop keeper for a potato clock.
The shop keeper said, "I don't know what a potato clock is."
The man said, "Me neither, but I'm starting a new job and my boss told me work starts at 9, so I'd have to get a potato clock."
Memes
Chuck Norris is so immortal, even he killed Death.
Yo mama so old, she was a waitress at the last supper.
When you find out your wife had a miscarriage,
So you start singing "It’s the best day ever!"
Why is it so hard to break up with a Japanese girl?
You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets it.
Yo mama's so big, her belt size is "equator."
Why did the emo swallow an alarm clock?
So he could wake up inside.
Yo mama is so ugly that the Grinch fell out when he saw her!
I don’t get why Katniss was bitching so much in ‘The Hunger Games’ books. Ethiopia has been competing for years and I don’t hear any of them complaining.
Why is the graveyard so noisy?
Because of all the coffin : )
Your mum is so slow, it took her nine months to make a joke.
Yo mama's so stupid, she tried to eat Eminem.
A man walks into a bar "Why am I so bad at Limbo?"
Santa decided coal was too expensive, so he started putting shredded lettuce and mayo in naughty kid's lockers... he calls it the coal's law.
Yo mama so fat, I have to take a train, 2 buses, and 3 airplanes to get on her good side.
Why are people in Japan so thin?
Because it didn't end well the last time a Fat Man was there.