SOS jokes

A man walked into a shop and asked the shop keeper for a potato clock.

The shop keeper said, "I don't know what a potato clock is."

The man said, "Me neither, but I'm starting a new job and my boss told me work starts at 9, so I'd have to get a potato clock."

Chuck Norris is so immortal, even he killed Death.

Why does a woodpecker have a beak?

So as to not smash his head against the tree.

Why were the 1800s so crazy?

Because of Hairriet Tubman.

I only made so it's the 69th in the hair category.

"So you dropped my instruments on stage?"

"It was only the Bass!"

Your mama so fat, when Pennywise said, "We all float down here," he saw her and suddenly knew he was mistaken.

Why do musicians in New Orleans smell so good?

Because they're jasmine (jazz men)!

My sister is so annoying. She won $10,000 to go to hell.

I have OCD and ADD, so everything has to be perfect... but not for very long.

My friend wasn't open to the idea of me becoming a nudist.

I told him to stop being so clothes-minded.

Yo mama so fat, she has to use pillowcases for socks.

Your hairline goes so far back your mom can't even reach it.

Yo mama so ugly, she got a lifetime ban from KFC for ordering too many burgers.

Yo mama so fat, survivors of the Titanic said a fat girl on the bow was so heavy, the ship started to sink, but when she reached the stern, the ship split.

(True story) Today I was bringing some tortilla chips upstairs for some chips and dip, and I dropped them, so my mom goes “Oh, now they’re broken.”

And I took an opportunity to make a pun, so I said, “No, they’re just chipped.”

"Poor old fool," thought the gentleman as he watched an old man fish in a puddle outside a pub. He invited the old man inside for a drink.

The gentleman asked, "So how many have you caught today?"

The old man replied, "You're the eighth."

Ur mum is so fat that when she lived in a flat on the highest floor, she fell through the inner floor.

Ur mum so fat that when she walked into a bar, they said, "Sorry, we don't sell food here."

Yo Mama so thin, when she signed up to be a stripper she became the pole

Why were the people on the World Trade Center so pissed?

People, they ordered pepperoni pizza, but they got plane.