SOS jokes

My mother was suffering from menstrual pain. So I fucked her for 7 hours to ease her pain. I continued to do so for the next 6 days. Even after fucking her 51 times during her 7-day period, I fucked her 5-6 times a day for the next three months and stopped her period for 9 months! Only her son can understand and ease the pain of a mother.

Why did Severus Snape cross the road wearing an invisibility cloak?

So no one would know what side he was on.

Why is a ghost so predictable?

Because you can see right through it.

She said she wanted me to treat her like a dishwasher. So I loaded her up, ran her through a rough cycle, and left her wet and broken on the floor.

Why is it so hard to make friends in Antarctica?

Because you cannot break the ice.

"Stupidity isn’t a crime, so you’re free to go."

Your mama is so fat, the photo I took of her last Christmas is still printing.

"So you dropped my instruments on stage?"

"It was only the Bass!"

Chuck Norris heard that nothing in the world could kill him.

So he tracked down nothing in the world and killed it.

Why did the orphan jump off of bridge?

So they can reunite with their dead family.

Roses are red,

Potatoes are brown,

Your mom's so hot,

I put her down.

(True story) Today I was bringing some tortilla chips upstairs for some chips and dip, and I dropped them, so my mom goes “Oh, now they’re broken.”

And I took an opportunity to make a pun, so I said, “No, they’re just chipped.”

"Poor old fool," thought the gentleman as he watched an old man fish in a puddle outside a pub. He invited the old man inside for a drink.

The gentleman asked, "So how many have you caught today?"

The old man replied, "You're the eighth."

Why am I so successful?

When I was told to go big or go home, I only had one option.

Ur mum is so fat that when she lived in a flat on the highest floor, she fell through the inner floor.

Ur mum so fat that when she walked into a bar, they said, "Sorry, we don't sell food here."

Yo Mama so thin, when she signed up to be a stripper she became the pole

My wheelchair-bound friend was getting bullied, so I told him to stand up for himself.

Why were the people on the World Trade Center so pissed?

People, they ordered pepperoni pizza, but they got plane.

You know it's so hard to clean my sex toys.

Thank you, Jesus, for creating holy water!