SOS jokes

Yo mama is so fat, when she saw the Titanic, she called it small.

I saw this kid who looked depressed, so I threw a torch at him. I thought I would brighten up his day.

Why was the computer so good at golf? Because he had a hard drive.

Yo mama so ugly, she made Kanye West go east.

Parallel lines have so much in common, it’s a shame they’ll never meet.

How are peppers 🌶 so nosey?

They get jalapeño business.

Why are women and children evacuated first in a disaster?

So we can think about a solution in silence.

Why did God build a stairway to heaven?

So all the disabled people will have to go to hell.

Your hairline is so far back, even the slaves can't plant that shit back.

Six was scared of seven because 7 8 9, so why was 10 scared? Because he was caught between 9/11.

Yo mama so fat, she needed cheat codes for Wii Fit!

Why are girls and rocks so alike?

If they're flat, they get skipped.

So, two kids argued and insulted each other.

KID 1: "Your dad left because he didn't want you, so why don't you kill yourself?"

KID 2: "Well, your dad already killed himself because he didn't want you."

Why do French people like to eat snails so much?

They can't stand fast food.

I didn't fart. My ass likes you so much, it just blew you a kiss!

Little Johnny runs up to his mother and says, "Mommy, mommy, the other day I was playing with my ball upstairs and my ball got away and into your closet, and when I went to get it, daddy came in with the lady next door and they started hugging and kissing and the lady next door took off daddy's clothes and daddy took off the clothes from the lady next door, and they both got into your bed, and the lady next door got on top of daddy and started...". The mother cuts him off and says "Just stop right there. You wait until your daddy comes home so you can tell him everything you just told me." Couple hours later the father arrives and walks through the door to find his wife and child with bags packed. She walks up to him and slaps across the face shouting "I'm leaving you... Go ahead Johnny, tell him what you told me earlier." Johnny steps forward to tell his daddy. "Daddy, the other day I was playing with my ball upstairs and my ball got away and into your closet, and when I went to get it, you came in with the lady next door and you both started hugging and kissing and the lady next door took off your clothes and you took off the clothes from the lady next door, and you both got into your bed, and the lady next door got on top of you and started doing the same thing mom did with uncle Joe last summer."

A father is listening to his daughter say her prayers before bed. The daughter says, "God bless Mummy and God bless Daddy and God bless Grandma and good bye Grandad." The father says, "Good bye Grandad? Why is that?" The daughter says, "Just because I felt like it." The next day, Grandad drops dead.

The father can't believe the coincidence, but decided not to question it. That night, he listens to the daughter's prayers again. She says, "God bless Mummy and God bless Daddy and goodbye Grandma." The father is shocked again and asks his daughter why, but she says again, "Just because I felt like it." The next day, the Grandma drops dead and now the Father is getting worried but doesn't know what to do, so he tries to forget about it. That night, he listens to his daughter again and she says, "God bless Mummy and goodbye Daddy." The father is now terrified and goes to work the next day sweating, cancels all of his meetings, and hides in his office for the whole day. He doesn't go home and stays there until midnight. He's very surprised. 'I've cheated death!' he thinks to himself, then rushes home. His wife asks, "Where have you been?!" and the husband says, "Oh don't ask me any questions, today's been miserable." The wife replies, "Your days been miserable? Well, listen to my day! Firstly, the milk man drops dead on the porch..."

Break a wine glass: I give you bad luck for a year.

Break a mirror: Funny wine glass, I give you bad luck for 7 years.

Breaking a condom: Haha so funny mirror.

Yo mama so hairy that when she go to the hair salon they say, "No pets allowed."

So, Helen Keller walks into a bar... And then a table.