SOS jokes

I was working at a check-in station for a flight to Riyadh when suddenly I was approached by Benzema, Kante, and Neymar!

At first I was very surprised and curious, so I asked them why they decided to play in the Saudi Pro League and not MLS where GOAT Messi plays. They all smiled and happily replied: "Don't you know, the legendary bench warmer PRISTIANO PENALDO plays there!"

Now I fully understood what they meant! They know that Pristiano is already finished, so winning trophies will be easy for them. I smiled and happily let them through.

You're so poor, you only got 2 jokes.

My middle name is Brian. I was so proud of being able to spell my full name till someone pointed out "Johnny Brain Walker" was incorrect.

Your mama is so ugly whenever she threw a boomerang, it refused to come back.

Yo mama is so stupid, she put lipstick on her forehead to make up her mind.

Your mom is so fat that when she went on top of one of the Twin Towers, it collapsed.

These jokes are so dark that they picked the cotton!

Your mom is so weak, when she jumped from the Twin Towers, her baby became disabled.

Why do they make glow-in-the-dark condoms?

So gay people can play Star Wars.

Why did Stephen Hawking die so soon?

Because his misses bought the wrong batteries.

If you were a room in my house, I’d make you the basement.

So I could put kids inside you.

You're in Australia. Your forehead is the reason why Africa is so hot.

Your momma so ugly, when the Kool-Aid man burst in the door, he said, "Oh no!"

"I work with animals," a guy says to his date.

"That's so sweet," she replies. "I love a man who cares about animals. Where do you work?"

"I'm a butcher," he replies.

Old people kept saying "you're next" to me at weddings, so I started saying it to them at funerals.

Your hairline so back that back in the day of your hairline, Burger King was called "Burger Prince."

I looked so deep in the dark web, I started to see Tyrone.

Yo mama so poor, when I rang her doorbell, she said, "Ding!"

Person: So, Jimmy, what do you do all day?

Jimmy Savile: Anyone who I can do.

You're so ugly, when you put makeup on, it makes you look like a clown.