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Society Jokes
What's red, takes my belt, and what I got from a weird children's house?
An orphan.
My cat sleeps about 20 hours a day. She has her food prepared for her. She can eat whenever she wants, 24/7/365. Her meals are provided at no cost to her. She visits the doctor once a year for her checkup, and again during the year if any medical needs arise. For this she pays nothing, and nothing is required of her.
She lives in a nice neighborhood in a house that is much larger than she needs, but she is not required to do any upkeep. If she makes a mess, someone else cleans it up. She has her choice of luxurious places to sleep. She receives these accommodations absolutely free. She is living like a queen, and has absolutely no expenses whatsoever. All of her costs are picked up by others who go out and earn a living every day.
I was just thinking about all this, and suddenly it hit me like a brick in the head, Holy Sh*t, my cat is a Democrat!
What do you call an orphan?
A bootysnagger45.
What does a woman do when she leaves the battered women's shelter?
"Cook my dinner, if she knows what's good for her."
What's the difference between a club and a bar?
I can only get dead hookers from the club alleyways.
Me: I'm sorry, Aaron.
Aaron: Why?
Me: Your parents couldn't be bothered to look past page one in the big book of baby names.
What's the difference between you and me? You're not strangling a man with a cloak on.
Fat moms.
Why couldn't the orphan go into the restaurant?
It was family friendly.
What does McDonald's and a Catholic priest have in common?
They both put their meat in 10-year-old buns.
Vegans: Save the Earth.
Normal People: We're trying to, but you guys keep eating it!
What's the difference between a UKIP voter and a shopping trolley?
Some shopping trolleys have minds of their own.
What's the difference between a Doberman Pinscher and a Social Worker?
Eventually, you can get a baby back from a Doberman Pinscher.
If you're ever bored, just beat up an orphan. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
Have you heard the new pickup line in a gay bar?
Can I push your stool in for ya?
If your kid beats up an orphan, what are they going to do? Tell their parents?
What would Martin Luther King be if he was white? Alive.
FRIEND: Hey, want to come to my house?
LONELY ORPHAN/TRUMP: Want to come to my orphange?
FRIEND: Dude, I'm blocking you!
LONELY ORPHAN: :(
In the new Grinch, the Whos would say he stole Christmas, "Get him!" Then the Grinch said, "I'm an orphan!" That changes everything. The Whos said, "What would they do if Max was an orphan?"