What do you call a snail without a shell?
Dead.
"Octo" means 8 and an octopus has 8 legs... so where did the "pus" come from?
My aunt's star sign was Cancer, so it's pretty ironic how she died...
She was eaten by a giant crab.
What card is the slowest and slimiest?
Ace-nail.
Why do women have legs? Because they would leave snail tracks wherever they went.