Slapstick jokes

What do you call depressed Sesame Street?

Emo's World.

I was a sit-down comedian, then I tried to stand up. I fell.

I wished I stayed in the wheelchair.

There are two siblings, a little brother and a big brother. Now, the big brother had a girlfriend, and one night they decided to go and have sex. So, the bigger brother goes to pick up his girlfriend one night and take her home. So they get to the bigger brother's house and walk into his room. Now the two siblings shared the room, and they had bunk beds. When they walked in the room, they saw the little brother asleep in the bottom bunk, so they went up to the top bunk to have sex. The big brother says, "Whenever you feel good, say 'lettuce,' and whenever you want to switch positions say 'tomato'." The girl constantly is saying "lettuce, tomato," and then the little brother wakes up. He quietly remarks, "Can you guys stop making sandwiches? You're getting mayonnaise all over me."

What do you call a kid in a wheelchair on fire?

Hot wheels.

Sans: Pap, your spaghetti is bonearific.

PaprUs: Sans, no. Aw, your funny bone is not working; come on, that one was a rib tickler.

What do you call two homeless people throwing rocks at each other?

A pillow fight.

There was a man in a wheelchair, and he got knocked out in front of a bus. He had a wheelie good life!

What is the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?

Only one of them stops sucking after you slap it.

"You did great!"

"Come here and get your prize, a shiny quarter!"

"Nah, that's okay."

"Here's the quarterback."

"You don't want the quarter?"

"No! Quarterback!"

"Huh?"

(Crashes) (screams)

"Yo, sorry 'bout that."

"You think he's gonna be mad?"

"Who? Baldi?"

"Nah, he doesn't have a HAIR in the world!"

(Annoying Orange laughs) (Baldi groans)

John, I like your cut, G.

Last night I slipped on a banana.

My friend said it was a-peeling!

Why did Susie fall off the swing?

Because she didn't have any arms.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Not Susie.

A blind man walks into a bar, and a table, and a door, and a staircase.

Helen Keller walked into a bar, and a chair, and a table, and a wall.

Me at the Oscars when I see Jada Pinkett Smith, I said: "G.I. Jane 2, more like G.I. Jada 2, can't wait to see it."

So Will Smith is laughing and then suddenly, Will Smith walks up to me and punches me in the face.

Me: "Ow, oh, wow. Will Smith just smacked the shit out of me.” My nigga Smith goes: "KEEP MY WIFE'S NAME OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MOUTH!" Me: "Maybe you should focus on keeping her friends out of hers."

My sister thinks she's so smart, she said onions are the only food that makes you cry.

So I threw a coconut at her.