Sitting jokes

I can't sit down anymore... My dad went too far this time.

Your mama so fat when she sits on the toilet it sings, "ABC, 123, get your fat ass off of me!"

A priest walks outside and finds two young boys sitting on a big ice cube. The priest asks what they are doing. The boys answer that the priest always likes a couple of cold ones before he goes on.

I saw a little boy sitting on a curb wearing rags.

I said: "Aww, are you an orphan?"

And he responded with "Yeah. What gave me away?"

And I said: "Your parents."

What do you call a guy in a wheelchair that does comedy?

Sit down comedy.

What did Michael Jackson say to the kid sitting on his lap?

"Just beat it."

Three guys walk into a room where a man is sitting with an assortment of foods on his plate because it's lunchtime. The guys ask the man to do a favor, and he says, "Sorry guys, I have a lot on my plate!"

It's sad when you sit around waiting for mom to make dinner, and then you realize you are the mom.

What is a disabled person's favorite type of comedy? Sit-down comedy!

What do you call a physically disabled man who is sitting on the toilet inside the handicapped stall inside the men's restroom?

Sex worker.

You know you’re getting fat when you sit in the bath, and the water in the bath rises.

I once asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite... He said, "NaBrO."

Why did the man sit on his porch and bark at the postman when he came?

Because his dog had a sore throat!

The two brothers were sitting next to each other. They played with planes all day long. They got too violent, and now their sister (World Trade Center) stands there. The brothers were put up for adoption, and the planes were given back to their owners.

One day, I sit in the lounge on a chair.

I was just sitting down when all of a sudden she screamed, "Help!"

Confucius say, "Man who sit in church and fart must sit in pew."

My sister is the weird dark one and emo of the family. I'm the bright happy one. Once in 3rd grade, I got a huge A on mine, and my sis got a D-.

In the playground near a tree, we were sitting and playing. I said, "Hey, a C- is not that bad," and raised my hand up to give her a high five, but she left me hanging.

So, I am an emo dude, so I sit in the back of the class, and I talk to no one.

But one day this dude came up to me and tried to talk to me, so I just ignored him. Then he got really pissed off and said, "I'm gonna kill you." I was like, "You're gonna kill me just because I ignored you? Is your ego that big, wow?" He left. Then the next day he brought his goons with him and said, "Now you're dead." I ignored him again, and he said, "You will pay for this."

So the following day after school I was walking down the street back to my house. Then he and his goons tried to attack me, but then they died, so I kept on walking. I had some rope traps set.

This was the best day of my life.

This is why you never mess with emos. We have ropes everywhere.

A man is sitting in a chair. He is talking to the other friend about what they must cherish.

One says he cherishes his family, the other cherishes his parents, and a man comes in, points at the chair and says, “I CHAIRish my Chair” as he pulls up a chair.