Shut up

Shut Up Jokes

Liar

Mommy, mommy! Are we liars?

"Shut up and cross your fingers when you say that."

Dragon

Mommy, Mommy! Are we dragons?

Shut up and don’t breathe on the drapes.

Archer

Mommy, Mommy, are you an archer?

"Shut up and keep the apple on your head still."

Vampire

Mommy, Mommy! Are we vampires?

Shut up and drink your soup before it clots!

Mom

Mom, shut up. Me? I don't shut up, I grow up. When I look at you, I throw up.

Name

There were 1 mom and 3 kids. The first kid comes up and asks, "Why is my name Daisy?" The mom says, "Because when you were born a daisy fell on your head." The second kid asks their mom, "Why is my name Butterfly?" The mom says, "Because when you were born a butterfly landed on your head." Then the third kid yells, "Ahjoejienfkef." The mom says, "Shut up, Brick!"

Orphan

I told an orphan to never stop talking until their parents come home.

Now I can’t get it to shut up.

Butt

A little girl said to her mom, "Mom, my butt's cracked, kiss it, kiss it!" Her mom said, "Sweetie, shut up, it's always been there!" Then her daughter died 'cause of her melodramaticness.

Name

One day, there were three people: a mom and two kids. One of the kids walks up and asks her mom why she was named Rose. Her mom told her that she ate a rose petal when she was born; that is why she was named Rose.

Then the second child walked up and yelled, "Ahhhhhh!" and the mom said, "Shut up, Billy Goat!"

Orphanage

A kid annoyed me the other day. I told him to shut up and go back to his parents. That's the last time I'm going to an orphanage.

Slavery

Friend: Slavery isn't good.

Other friend: Yeah, it's terrible.

Me: Shut up and get me a juice!

Virgin

Bully: "Shut up and give me your money, otherwise I will tell everyone that you are still a virgin."

Boy: "Haha, I am not a virgin anymore."

Bully: "Haha, nice joke."

Boy: "If you don't believe then ask your sister or brother."

Bully: "Hah, I don't have any sibling."

Boy: "Will just wait for 9 months then u will know."

Drink

A lady walked into a bar and ordered their special drink. The bartender then gave her a brown glass full of milk. The lady complained about this, but then the bartender said, "Just shut up and swallow!"