If you wanna really know how to get under my skin, give me a razor and maybe we'll talk ;)
What do you call shaving a crazy sheep? -- Shear madness.
A Scotsman at the hairdresser: "How much is a haircut?" "Six pounds." "And shaving?" "Three pounds." "Good, then shave my head."
Ever had that feeling that suicidal people are a big contributor to the razor blade industry? Well they aren't. Why? They aren't repeated customers.
What's the difference between Donald Trump and Derek Vinyard?
A shaved head, a chest tattoo, and a moustache.
Who can shave 20 times a day and still have a beard? -- A barber.
If you're gonna razor yourself you might as well have shaving cream.
Why does sumo wrestlers shave their legs?
Because they don't want to be mistaken as feminists
Sir, I mustache you a question... Ah, never mind, I'll just shave it for later.
Little Johnny is watching his dad shave one morning and his dad was making alot of mistakes. Suddenly his dad screams " bitches and asses!" Johnny asks what it meant and his dad replied " aunts and uncles" Oh. next thing he hears is "dicks and pussies!" Johnny asks " what's that mean?" To which his dad replied " uh coats and hats." Oh next thing he know he sees his dad jumping around the the bathroom yelling " fucking, fuck,fuck,Fuck" " what does that mean dad?" And his dad yells " cut Johnny, it means cut!!!!" Oh. Next week is Thanksgiving and the doorbell rings and Johnny answers it and says " Hey bitches and asses, hang your dicks and pussies here, dad's in the kitchen fucking the turkey.
One day at school I made fun of a girl who lost her hair from cancer, and my parents made me shave my head.
The next day at school I made fun of an orphan.
Knock Knock?
Mustache
I mustache you a question, but I shave It for later!
I saw a dad shaved his daughters head because she made fun of a woman with cancer. Good thing she didn’t make fun of a pregnant women🤭
johnny was watching TV when you hear them say bitch and bastards so he ask hes dad "what is a bitch and bastard." dad say "a bitch is a female and a bastard is a mail." then johnny goes back to the TV and hears them say ass and shit so he ask hes dad what shit and ass means dad says "a shit is shaving creme like what i'm putting on my face and ass is a coat why don't you bug your mom." so johnny goes back to the TV and then they say fuck so johnny ask his mom what fuck means mom says "fuck means carving like doing to the turkey then a few minutes later Johnny hears a knock on the door so he answers it he then says "welcome bitch and bastard may i tack your ass" the people then ask wear hes parents are johnny says "my dad is putting shit on hes face and my mom i fucking the turkey.
You lost 30 lbs when you joined Weight Watchers, and lost another 10 lbs when they shaved your back
Ashes to ashes, Priests prever boys, cause they dont have to shave their asses.
What do robots 🤖 shave with?
Laser blades!
You abuse me that I have no beards but your sugar daddy shaved them off to look cute 🤔
A woman walks out of the bathroom, winks at her husband and says, “I shaved down there; you know what that means.”
The husband responds, “Yeah, the drain is clogged.”
Bitch: Nice eyes brows
Me: Yeah wears yours motherfucker
Bitch: (Realizing she shaved them off cause she thoughts it would look cool)
