What do you call shaving a crazy sheep? -- Shear madness.
If you wanna really know how to get under my skin, give me a razor and maybe we'll talk ;)
A Scotsman at the hairdresser: "How much is a haircut?" "Six pounds." "And shaving?" "Three pounds." "Good, then shave my head."
Ever had that feeling that suicidal people are a big contributor to the razor blade industry? Well they aren't. Why? They aren't repeated customers.
Who can shave 20 times a day and still have a beard? -- A barber.
If you're gonna razor yourself you might as well have shaving cream.
Why does sumo wrestlers shave their legs?
Because they don't want to be mistaken as feminists
Sir, I mustache you a question... Ah, never mind, I'll just shave it for later.
Little Johnny is watching his dad shave one morning and his dad was making alot of mistakes. Suddenly his dad screams " bitches and asses!" Johnny asks what it meant and his dad replied " aunts and uncles" Oh. next thing he hears is "dicks and pussies!" Johnny asks " what's that mean?" To which his dad replied " uh coats and hats." Oh next thing he know he sees his dad jumping around the the bathroom yelling " fucking, fuck,fuck,Fuck" " what does that mean dad?" And his dad yells " cut Johnny, it means cut!!!!" Oh. Next week is Thanksgiving and the doorbell rings and Johnny answers it and says " Hey bitches and asses, hang your dicks and pussies here, dad's in the kitchen fucking the turkey.
One day at school I made fun of a girl who lost her hair from cancer, and my parents made me shave my head.
The next day at school I made fun of an orphan.
I saw a dad shaved his daughters head because she made fun of a woman with cancer. Good thing she didn’t make fun of a pregnant women🤭
Knock Knock?
Mustache
I mustache you a question, but I shave It for later!
johnny was watching TV when you hear them say bitch and bastards so he ask hes dad "what is a bitch and bastard." dad say "a bitch is a female and a bastard is a mail." then johnny goes back to the TV and hears them say ass and shit so he ask hes dad what shit and ass means dad says "a shit is shaving creme like what i'm putting on my face and ass is a coat why don't you bug your mom." so johnny goes back to the TV and then they say fuck so johnny ask his mom what fuck means mom says "fuck means carving like doing to the turkey then a few minutes later Johnny hears a knock on the door so he answers it he then says "welcome bitch and bastard may i tack your ass" the people then ask wear hes parents are johnny says "my dad is putting shit on hes face and my mom i fucking the turkey.
You lost 30 lbs when you joined Weight Watchers, and lost another 10 lbs when they shaved your back
Ashes to ashes, Priests prever boys, cause they dont have to shave their asses.
You abuse me that I have no beards but your sugar daddy shaved them off to look cute 🤔
What do robots 🤖 shave with?
Laser blades!
Bitch: Nice eyes brows
Me: Yeah wears yours motherfucker
Bitch: (Realizing she shaved them off cause she thoughts it would look cool)
A man was shaving in the bathroom when all of a sudden Bubba, the boy he payed to mow his lawn comes in to take a piss. The man can't help but look over his shoulder and he is surprised at how well endowed he is, and he asks: "Bubba, whats your secret?" Bubba replies: "Well, every night before I get in bed with a woman I whack my dick on the bedpost three times. It works, and it sure impresses the girls!" The man was excited at this easy suggestion and decided to try it that very night, before he went to bed with his wife. So he got to bed and whacked his dick on the bedpost three times and the wife wakes up and says "Bubba, is that you?"
