Secret Jokes

Attention- Has anyone noticed that Watersharky and Kitten are dating? Its strang because they havent said anything for 28 DAYS!!! They been keeping it a secret...(I guess) Someone needs to keep track of this. GOD I just thought further into life with their relationship DON'T DO THAT. Agent Chipmunk Out

Why did trump go to Jeffrey's secret Island? So he trump that little bitch!

Why do oompa loompas secretly take Skinny Dips in Willy Wonka's chocolate?

They wanted some chocolate balls.

I was out ice fishing, and had no nibbles all morning. About noon, this old guy comes out, drills a hole near mine, and starts catching fish as fast as he can bait the hook. I was getting frustrated without any luck, so I went over to ask him his secret. He said "Ymd ggt tm kppp tth yaems womg." I said "Excuse,me, I didn't get that?" so he mumbles even louder, "Ymd ggt tm kppp tth yaems womg!" I shook my head and said "I'm sorry, but I still didn't understand what you said." Frustrated, the man spits out a wad out of his mouth and says "YOU HAVE TO KEEP THE WORMS WARM!"

BlessedBrian, your secrets are safe with ME... because I wasn’t LISTENING when you told them

The secrets of life.

Mac & Cheese

Hoow on god's green earth does my boyfriend have a phone? JK WE NEED TO TALK ILL TYPE THE SECRET CODE (YOU'LL KNOW WHAT IT MEANS.) GREEN PUSSY CAT LIKES BANNANS.

Your secret is safe with me. I walnut tell a soul

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Walnut. Walnut who? I walnut tell you. It’s a secret

A lady from the city and her traveling companion were riding the train through Vermont when she noticed some cows. "What a cute bunch of cows!" she remarked. "Not a bunch, herd", her friend replied. "Heard of what?" "Herd of cows." "Of course I've heard of cows." "No, a cow herd." "What do I care what a cow heard. I have no secrets to keep from a cow!"

Fill it out if u want

#THINGS I HAVE DONE PROJECT
O Been in Love
O Have Anxiety
O Broken Hearts
O Felt Insecure
O Been Ignored
O Been Embarrassed
O Stolen
O Lied
O Been Heartbroken
O Kissed
O Had a Boyfriend
O Had a Girlfriend
O Cheated
O Been Cheated On
O Had Sex
O Cried Myself to Sleep
O Stayed Up All Night
O Smiled
O Laughed
O Fake Smiled
O Been Verbally Abused
O Been Physically Abused
O Been Sexually Abused
O Hated Someone
O Hated Myself
O Gotten a Tattoo
O Gotten Piercings
O Traveled
O Been Stung
O Broken Bones
O Skipped School
O Want/Wanted to Die
O Been Depressed
O Binged
O Failed a Class
O Purged
O Starved
O Gotten All A's
O Gotten Suspended
O Gotten Expelled
O Been to Jail
O Been Cyber-bullied
O Been Bullied
O Been a Bully
O Have/Had Anorexia
O Have/Had Bulimia
O Cut Myself
O Burned Myself
O Drank
O Smoked
O Done Drugs
O Have/Had an Addiction
O One Month Clean
O Attempted Suicide
O Know Someone Who Has
O Lost Someone to Suicide
O Overdosed
O Hallucinated
O Been Hospitalized
O Seen a Therapist
O Told Your Parents
O Have Other Mental Disorders
O Have Other Medical Problems
O Take Meds
O Hide Scars wockalbin
O Have a Secret Account
O Relapsed
O Other Forms of Self-harm O Accepted Myself
@violetsunlight7

What do you call a cow that is secret?

AnonyMOOus.

I was reading this in class and laughed at loud, i had to clear all my history of jokes

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little
bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the
Navy Seals, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids
on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am
trained in gorilla warfare and I'm the top sniper in the entire
US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another
target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of
which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my
fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that
shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we
speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across
the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better
prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the
pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead,
kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over
seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands.
Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I
have access to the entire arsenal of the United States
Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your
miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If
only you could have known what unholy retribution your
little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you,
maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you
couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you
goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown
in it. You're fucking dead, kiddo.

Shit if somebody invades America the Crips and the Bloods are gonna call a truce so that they can get the big toys out and call Geneva achievement. White women would ride into battle riding lions, tigers, and bears while claymore-strapped rhumbas swept the streets. There's a reason Putin keeps threatening to boom boom us with the boom booms and make you see x-rays before you go go. We have freaking cannibals still. Hell, we have more guns than people. Dodging bullets have become a rite of passage. Just look at how we raise our kids on caffeine and M16s playing Call of Duty. Then we send them into the warzone known as the American public education system with no weapons. No means to protect themselves other than with their fists. Here Timmy, fight off the bullets with your bare fist and hope you can zig-zag. Hell, the quiet kids in this country start dropping bodies just cause you teased them. The fuck you think's gonna happen when Timmy can't get his damn chicken nuggets and you took his internet out? Hell the gangs in America would no longer make their money off the drugs illegally. They'd be our medics and taking bets on kill shots. Don't even get me started on the unhinged millennials the moment they can't get their mood stabilizers. War crimes would become an art form and we'd run around like we playing Pokemon. GOTTA CATCH 'EM ALL! Americans would turn war crimes into an extreme sport while the military stands back and records it just so they can show the rest of the world the example of why not to fuck with us. Shit Geneva Convention would turn into a to-do list on every American household fridge. We take that shit so seriously we'd have comedy central sending Kevin Hart to tell us rules for engagement. Racism in America would be single-handedly by ended as Billy Bob and Tyrone high five because they think they just unlocked the super secret duck hunt level with foreign paratroopers. Shit somebody please threaten us with a good time. Invade the united states. Let us show you why the first color in our flag is red.

My diet consists of Blood Pudding, I love it and have it for breakfast, lunch and dinner, my secret ingredient though?

It consists of the blood and insides of my victims, it’s a bit chunky sometimes, some bits chewy, some bits hard

But it’s a hearty meal

What did the mama cow say to the baby cow? moooooooo my secret is that it's pasture bedtime, but not pasture bedtime

Son: mom, is it possible to make a strawberry cake for me ?

Mom: no that's impossible

Son: but it is possible for your secret boyfriend right

Mom: no no please don't tell your dad i will make a strawberry cake for you

Son: daddy has already tasted your sweet strawberry cake so because of that i felt jealous ^_^

👌😂😂😂

Yo' Mama is so stanky, her Sure deodorant got confused and her Secret deodorant told on her

lets tell a secret about each other...ill go first i hate you

Gregg says to his friend which is a girl and Says" hey umm do you umm want to do something?" And the girl says" umm sure why not." Gregg says" well then we have to go somewhere secretive." the girl says " umm well ok." Gregg says "great" So Gregg bring Sally to a tree so no one can see them and then Sally says "So what are we going to do behind this big tree?" Gregg says "well pull down your pants and all show ya" Sally says "ok it sounds fun" And then gregg pulls his pants down and tells Sally to lay on the ground then he puts his dick in Sally's pussy and he goes up and down up and down up and down and then Sally starts to moan more and more and then suddenly a teacher here's her moan and then the teacher sees what Gregg and Sally are doing and then the teacher gets in on it and both Gregg and Sally start fucking the teacher and then the teacher moans and then the whole school makes their own sex groups and the whole school has threesomes... THE END