Say jokes
Do you want to play Titanic?
When I say iceberg, you go down on me.
What did the cat say to the jar of cookies?
"Ground beef!"
What does the right eye say to the left eye?
Between you and me, something smells!
A woman walks into a doctor's office. She schedules an appointment and sits down in the waiting room. When it's her turn to talk to the doctor, she describes all of her symptoms, and they're unlike anything he's heard before. The doctor runs a few tests and steps out of the room. He comes back later, and says, "Well, I have good news and bad news." The woman says, "I'll hear the good news first please." The doctor replies, "The good news is we're naming a disease after you!"
What does a pregnant teen and an aborted child have in common?
They both say, “My mom's gonna kill me!”
Child: Goodnight Mommy. Goodnight Daddy. Goodnight Grandma. Goodbye Grandpa!
Dad: Wait, why are you saying that?
Child: I just felt like it.
The next day, the Grandpa is dead.
Dad: That's just a VERY scary coincidence.
Child: Goodnight Mommy. Goodnight Daddy. Goodbye Grandma.
Dad: Wait, why are you saying that?
Child: I just felt like it.
The next day, the Grandma is dead.
Dad: That's just a VERY scary coincidence.
Child: Goodnight Mommy, Goodbye Daddy!
Dad: Oh no. If I survive until tomorrow, everything will be okay!
Survives until tomorrow.
Dad: Whew! That was nice! *Goes to house*
Mom: Honey! I was so worried about you! The mailman just dropped dead on our porch!
(If you don't get it, the mailman is the biological father)
My parents said to me, "Whenever you say sorry to someone and they say, 'It's okay,' it's really not."
So I said, "Okay."
What did Charizard say to Arceus? "Knife to meet you, literally. I got you out of Pokémon Sword and Shield!"
What time is it when you say "bad day?"
What time is it when you say I can’t walk anymore? Time to get a wheelchair 🦼.
Man and woman are having a discussion. The woman looks into the man's eyes and says, "Honey, you know how I like it when you walk up and stick it in . . . "
". . . but I love it when Bob walks up and sticks it in!"
Divorce is scheduled for next month.
Why do New Yorkers get what Spider-Man is saying?
Because he always makes spider-sense.
What time is it when you say no to everything? Time to get bored.
Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert?
Because she was stuffed.
What time is it when you say, "Wake up?"
It is morning.
What is a nut that says, "What is your favorite name?"
A magic nut.
What did the girl say to the man with a moustache?
I moustache you a question.
So the horse walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Why the long face?"
UwU
What did the French Fry 🍟 say to the Hamburger 🍔?
I guess that’s a wrap!
What did the orphan say to the parent?
Oh, wait!