Religious Figure jokes

This guy comes knocking on the door in hell and speaks to God. "Please let me out, it is too cold in here!"

God is all confused. "There is a big fire in there!" The guy answers, "Yes, there is, but you cannot get near it. All the bishops, cardinals, and priests are sitting around it."

"My dick fell off in the shower!" suddenly a bright flash of white lights. You see God smiling at you. "Joseph, where is your wiener, little one?" He says, chuckling lightly.

Now you should let your imagination work... imagine naked Jesus with an erection... and nail holes in his hands...

What was Jesus scared of the most?

Snails.

What was Jesus's favorite food?

Answer: Snails

What's the difference between Jesus and a dead, naked baby?

I don't worship Jesus.

What's black and white and hard as nails? A nun on speed!

What's the difference between the real Jesus and a picture of him?

It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.

What’s the difference between Jesus and a hooker?

The look on their face when you're nailing them.

How does Moses prepare his tea? -- Hebrews it.

What is Jesus' favorite band?

Nine Inch Nails.