Relations

Relations jokes

Funeral

  • My relatives used to tease me at weddings, saying I'd be next. They soon stopped when I started doing the same to them at funerals.

    Kelly Clarkson

  • Gary Glitter was imprisoned for inappropriate relations with preteens. Not to be outdone, Kelly Clarkson exclaimed, "Hold my Bud Light!" whilst grasping her 1-year-old daughter.

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  • Day

  • I won't reply to every joke today because I want to say thanks to everyone for making funny jokes here. Every time I have a bad day (almost everyday), I always go here and read relatable jokes. It makes me happy and it's making me less anxious. I am really stressed with my school work and everything; I feel that I'm being left alone. Everyone compares me to others and all I can do is listen. I don't get enough sleep because of it... Reading these jokes entertains me and makes me laugh so hard.

    I apologize for my grammar.

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  • Orphan

  • Why do orphans become criminals? To know what it’s like to be wanted.

    Why are orphans bad at poker? They don’t know what a full house is.

    I saw a child crying yesterday, so I asked him where his parents were. Bad move. I got fired from my job at the orphanage.

    What do you call an orphan’s family reunion? Me time.

    Did you know? The letter ‘f’ in orphan stands for family.

    What is an orphan’s least favorite song? We Are Family.

    What’s an orphan’s least favorite TV show? Family Guy.

    What’s an orphan’s least favorite movie? Meet the Parents.

    What’s an orphan’s least favorite type of music? House.

    What’s an orphan’s least favorite store? Home Depot.

    What’s an orphan’s favorite band? Foster the People.

    What do you call a virgin from Alabama? An orphan.

    Where do orphan chickens end up? Foster Farms.

    What beer do orphans drink? Foster’s.

    Why do orphans have water with their cereal? Because their dad never came back with the milk.

    What do you call a fish with no parents? An orfin.

    Why do orphans like playing tennis? Because it’s the only love they get.

    Me: Are you an orphan? Orphan: Yes, what gave me away? Me: Your parents.

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  • Orphan

  • Why is Harry Potter an orphan's favorite character?

    Because Harry Potter has no parents, so it’s relatable.

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  • Midget

  • If there was a quiz on midgets, here’s the Midget quiz and the questions that would be on it:

    1. When midgets get high on any drug, do they get high or medium?

    2. Do midgets come out the closet or the cabinet?

    3. Are Midgets related to Snow White’s 7 Dwarfs?

    4. Is a midget just a human without the mushroom in Mario?

    5. Was this funny?

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  • Crow

  • Akbar: How many crows are there, Birbal?

    Birbal: 8,971.

    Akbar: What if there are fewer?

    Birbal: Then some crows went on vacation to visit their relatives.

    Akbar: What if there are more?

    Birbal: Then some came on vacation here to visit their relatives.

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  • Estate

  • A guy is sitting in a bar, feeling sad. "What's the matter?" asks the bartender.

    "My paternal uncle died three months ago."

    "Wow! No wonder you're sad!"

    "It's not that. He left me a third of his estate."

    "Then what's the matter?"

    "My maternal uncle died two months ago."

    "Two uncles in two months? No wonder you're sad!"

    "It's not that either. He left me half of his estate."

    "Then what's the matter?"

    "My father died last month."

    "Your dad too? No wonder you're sad!"

    "It's not that. He left me his entire estate."

    "Then what's the matter?"

    With a massive sob, the guy says, "None of my relatives died this month!"

    Loneliness

  • It's funny how you feel so alone with depression, and yet once you tell people on some random website, so many people relate. Unfortunately, it doesn't stop the loneliness.

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  • Dog

  • A dog walked into a tavern and said, "I can't see a thing. I'll open this one."

    The humor of it is probably related to the Sumer way of life (and has been lost), but the words remain.

    Apple

  • An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough.

    Why is it that if you donate a kidney, people love you? But if you donate five kidneys, they call the police.

    My senior relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying things like, “You’ll be next!” They stopped once I started doing the same to them at funerals.

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