Re Jokes

If I went to walmart, I would be able to scan my own wrists because they're barcodes too.

Woman: "Doctor, where are we going?" Doctor: "To the morgue." Woman: "I'm not dead yet, doctor." Doctor: "We're not at the morgue yet, either."

As siblings, we always joke about being adopted. It stops being funny when you're playing in your parents' room and find both of your adoption papers.

How do parents punish their blind kids?

They re-arrange the furniture

Are you depression 'cause you're always on my mind~

I’m not saying you’re going bald, but you’ll find Waldo before you find your hairline.

A Pilot is having a talk with one of his passengers, the passenger asks, "Why did you become a Pilot?" The Pilot replies with, "To face my fears." The passenger then says "You're afraid of heights?". "No, i'm afraid of dying alone".

If you’re waiting for the waiter at a restaurant, aren’t you the waiter?

What does a dad and the Twin Towers have in common? Once they're gone they never come back.

A man walks to the window and opens it and pulls out his phone and takes a photo. "One more picture and I'll jump." He takes another photo and shuts the window. "I can't jump, you're not supposed to throw trash out the window."

You find yourself stuck in a hole with a murderer, a rapist, and a lawyer. You're armed but you only have 2 bullets left, what do you do?

Shoot the lawyer. Twice.

A blind comedian was asked to do stand up for a hospital. No one laughed at his jokes, so he continued to sing, "If you're happy and you know it..."

The room was full of arm amputees.

When I was young, I decided to go to a medical school. At the entrance exam, we were asked to re-arrange letters

'PNEIS'

and form the name of an important human body part which is most useful when erect.

Those who answered 'SPINE' are doctors.

Why are gay people bad at hide and seek?

Because they're always coming out of the closet

What do the twin towers and genders have in common? There used to be two now they're a sensitive topic.

Why don’t mountains 🏔 take things serious?

Because they’re hill areas.

My doctor called me fat. I told him I wanted a second opinion and he said, "OK, you're ugly too."

I got a handjob from a blind woman the other day. She said, "It's the biggest thing I ever had in my hand." I said, "No love, you're just pulling my leg."

Bob and Brad loved baseball. When Brad was dying , Bob asked Brad to see if there was baseball in heaven. Brad died and two weeks later Bob woke up to Brad's voice. Brad said I've got good news. They do have baseball in heaven. Bad news is that you're up to bat next.