Questions jokes

War

  • In 1941, Hans, a young German boy, was listening to the radio.

    Over the radio, Hitler announced that Germany was now going to war with the United States.

    "Father, where is the United States?" Hans asked.

    His father pointed at a map of North America.

    "Aren’t we currently at war with Russia? Where might that be?" he questioned his father.

    The man pointed towards the Soviet Union.

    "And I’m told we’re also at war with the British Empire. Where is that?"

    The father pointed out all of the territories owned by the British.

    "Where is Germany again, Father?"

    He pointed to their home country in Central Europe.

    Hans pondered this information for a second. "One last question, Father."

    "Yes?"

    "Has Hitler seen this map?"

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    Parent

  • What is the most annoying thing your parents say to you, and what is the dumbest thing someone can say that annoys you?

    The most annoying thing your parents can say: "Finish your dinner, there are starving kids in Africa!" No, you can't have any dessert until you finish your dinner. (See how annoying that is!)

    The dumbest thing someone can say that annoys you: "Why is your name Crayla? Why is your last name Goldburg? Is it like a gold bird!" (That is really annoying if you ask me!)

    Thanks for reading this...bye!

    Robot

  • A robot walks into a bar and orders a martini.

    The bartender is flabbergasted that a robot can do that.

    "New around here?" said the bartender.

    "Nah, been here a while," said the robot.

    Bartender "You can talk?"

    Robot "Yeah, pretty cool, huh."

    Bartender "Why do you want a martini?"

    Robot "Oh, I'm just in the mood for one, you know?"

    The bartender is shocked to see a robot making completely normal small talk.

    The robot seems to be just like a normal human.

    "Wow, who programmed you?" asked the bartender.

    "The top minds in the world," said the robot.

    The robot speaks again, "I have a question for you..."

    Bartender, "What?"

    "Why did you read this entire story? It does not have a punchline. I just wasted your time. Get bamboozled, nerd!"

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    Interview

  • (BILL is sitting in the waiting room, fidgeting with his tie. MR. SMITH enters with a clipboard.)

    MR. SMITH: (sternly) Good morning, Bill. Ready for your interview?

    BILL: (nervously) Uh, yes, sir! I’ve prepared a lot for this!

    MR. SMITH: (raising an eyebrow) Great! Let’s start with an easy question. Why do you want this job?

    BILL: (confidently) Well, I want to help your company succeed! I believe in hard work and dedication!

    MR. SMITH: (nods) Good to hear. Now, what’s your biggest weakness?

    BILL: (eyes widening) I tend to be overly honest.

    MR. SMITH: (leaning in) That’s not really a weakness.

    BILL: (smirking) I don’t care what you think!

    (MR. SMITH pauses, surprised, then bursts out laughing.)

    MR. SMITH: (laughing) Okay, you’re hired! We need more honesty around here!

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  • Blonde

  • There was a car accident, and the cops pull up to the crime scene to start asking people questions. The police started talking to a blonde lady and said, "What happened here?" She responded by saying, "A car crash." They then asked, "But how did it happen?" She responded, "The cars crashed into each other." They finally said, "But why did it happen?" The lady said, "Oh, I know where you're going with this. It happened because when cars push on the gas pedal, the car goes forward, and they both pushed it, so they both went forward and hit each other." One cop said, "Never mind, ma'am," and they started walking away.

    The blonde lady then said, "Oh, and officers, my computer froze. Do you think I should put it in the microwave or in the oven?"

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    Girl

  • A young girl was playing in the park with her mother when she asked the question, "Mummy, what's that building over there?" The mother looked at the prison, smiled, and said, "That's where the cotton pickers live."

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    Scarecrow

  • My priest asked if anyone had any questions or anything interesting they wanted to say.

    So I raised my hand, he said why don’t you tell everyone what you have to say.

    In front of the whole church I said I did not know Jesus Christ was the first scarecrow.

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    Difference

  • Question: What is the difference between a morbid joke and a dark joke?

    Answer: One is 10 babies in a trash can; the other is a baby in 10 trash cans.

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  • Clown

  • I was sitting in class when my teacher said, "Have any questions?" the suspended Class clown said, "Who's Joe?" So the teacher said, "Joe who?" So the clown said, "Joe Mama!" So I said, "What in the BALLS?" So I ended up staying in detention with the clown, ah, so cozy!

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