Quantity jokes
How much alcohol does JFK prefer to drink?
3 shots.
A man walks into a pharmacy and buys multiple containers of Tylenol, and the clerk asks why he's buying all of these. He replies with, "I'm playing 1 pill eat 100."
Say what you want about Paul Walker, but he was a smart guy.
You can tell by the quantity of brain matter on his dashboard.
What is bigger than an elephant but smaller than two elephants?
A different sized elephant.
On my Tinder profile, I said, "I prefer quality over quantity." I just thought it sounded nicer than saying "no fat birds."
What's the best thing about having sex with 28 year olds?
There's 20 of them.
Okay not a depression joke but... what’s worse than 10 babies in 1 bucket?
1 baby in 10 buckets.
Sorry, no adults allowed.
Only 3 per person.
What's the difference between a cat and a human? About 500 bullets.
What’s the difference between dark humor and morbid humor?
Dark humor is ten kids in one container; morbid humor is one kid in ten containers.
What's worse than ten babies on one tree? One baby on ten trees.
Two cunts are better than one, but one cunt is better than none.
What is a good night? Sleep tight, I have four.
What's the difference between dark humor and morbid humor? Dark humor would be saying, "ten babies in one trashcan." Morbid humor would be saying, "one baby in ten trashcans."
If Carlos and Jose took a brownie from me and I had 10 to start, what do I have?
Answer: A math problem.
If you have 20 apples and you ate 2, how many do you have left?
0 because you have 20 and take away 2, you have 0 left.
What's worse than 1000 dead babies hanging off a tree?
1 dead baby hanging off 1000 trees.
How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
102, if you have some alive ones.
How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Well, there are 69 in my basement, and it's still dark.
What's the difference between a prostitute and a trash bag?
There's a limit to how much trash goes in the trash bag.