Quantity

Quantity Jokes

Tylenol

A man walks into a pharmacy and buys multiple containers of Tylenol, and the clerk asks why he's buying all of these. He replies with, "I'm playing 1 pill eat 100."

Guy

Say what you want about Paul Walker, but he was a smart guy.

You can tell by the quantity of brain matter on his dashboard.

Elephant

What is bigger than an elephant but smaller than two elephants?

A different sized elephant.

Tinder

On my Tinder profile, I said, "I prefer quality over quantity." I just thought it sounded nicer than saying "no fat birds."

Sex

What's the best thing about having sex with 28 year olds?

There's 20 of them.

Baby

Okay not a depression joke but... what’s worse than 10 babies in 1 bucket?

1 baby in 10 buckets.

Morbid humor

What’s the difference between dark humor and morbid humor?

Dark humor is ten kids in one container; morbid humor is one kid in ten containers.

Baby

What's worse than ten babies on one tree? One baby on ten trees.

Cunt

Two cunts are better than one, but one cunt is better than none.

Morbid humor

What's the difference between dark humor and morbid humor? Dark humor would be saying, "ten babies in one trashcan." Morbid humor would be saying, "one baby in ten trashcans."

Carlos

If Carlos and Jose took a brownie from me and I had 10 to start, what do I have?

Answer: A math problem.

Apple

If you have 20 apples and you ate 2, how many do you have left?

0 because you have 20 and take away 2, you have 0 left.

Baby

What's worse than 1000 dead babies hanging off a tree?

1 dead baby hanging off 1000 trees.

Baby

How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

102, if you have some alive ones.

Baby

How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Well, there are 69 in my basement, and it's still dark.

Difference

What's the difference between a prostitute and a trash bag?

There's a limit to how much trash goes in the trash bag.