Put jokes
Why did the bank robber shoot the man with no arms?
Because he told the man to put his hands up.
Why did tube date electricity? Because he would light up when she touched him.
When Kim Jong-un said "nuke the Chinese", he meant put the take away in the oven. Some simple misunderstandings start a war.
The previous joke was by Sebastian Wittrock, but he put Miguel Roberts as the name.
Jesus walks into a motel, throws 3 nails on the counter, and says, "Can you put me up for a night?"
What's the difference between a baby and a freezer?
The freezer doesn't scream when I put my meat in it.
What do McDonald's and a priest have in common? They both put their meat in 10 year old buns.
How are a woman and a car alike? Put something in them and they'll both start.
What do you do after you eat the softest pussy in the world?
Put the diapers back on.
Why was Han Solo so suspicious when he put his penis inside Princess Leia for the first time?
Because it was Luke warm.
I've just been fired from the clock-making factory after all those extra hours I put in.
What do women put on their ears to look more attractive?
Their knees.
If you put a million monkeys at a million keyboards, one of them will eventually write a Java program.
The rest of them will write Perl programs.