Programming jokes
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Algorithm.
Algorithm who?
Think Algorithm to the store.
Your Momma's so fat, the recursive function calculating her mass causes a stack overflow.
I just watched a program about beavers. It was the worst dam program I've ever seen.
What makes a software developer feel rich?
Their cache.
Baby > commits start breathing.
Mom > commits abort.
Baby > commits ohshit.exe
One day, I came home from school and said to my dad, "I got expelled from school today." He said, "How?" I said, "I threw my book at the teacher." He asked, "Why?" I told him, "We were doing an anti-bullying program, and my teacher said words can't hurt me, so I threw my dictionary at her."
What's the same about "Make a Wish Program" and "Dark Jokes"? They never get old.
Yo mama is so stupid that she thought NASA is a gaming program!
What do inner city schools and databases have in common?
Their problems are usually caused by a race condition.
This isn't a joke.
An infinite amount of mathematicians walked into a bar. The first ordered a pint, the second ordered a half pint, the third ordered a fourth-pint, etc. The Bartender eventually walked up and gave them two pints and said: "You mathematicians don't know your limits."
An HDMI cable and an electrical outlet went on a date. It didn't go well, because they couldn't connect.
Why did the robot cross the road?
Because he was programmed by the chicken!
How did the Java programmer's son get rich?
Because of inheritance.
The oldest computer can be traced back to Adam and Eve. It was an apple, but with extremely limited memory. Just 1 byte. And then everything crashed.
Yo mama so FAT, she can't handle files bigger than 4 GB.
If you put a million monkeys at a million keyboards, one of them will eventually write a Java program. The rest of them will write Perl programs.
A programmer and his wife.
She says, "We're out of bread. Please go to the grocery store and buy one. And if they've got eggs, get six."
After a while, he's back with six loaves of bread.
The wife asks, "Why did you buy 6 loaves of bread?"
He replies, "They had eggs."
A programmer pushes a stroller through the park. An elderly couple comes along: "Is it a boy or a girl?" The programmer replies, "Yes."
A computer science student is studying under a tree, and another pulls up on a flashy new bike. The first student asks, "Where'd you get that?"
The student on the bike replies, "While I was studying outside, a beautiful girl pulled up on her bike. She took off all her clothes and said, 'You can have anything you want.'"
The first student responds, "Good choice! Her clothes probably wouldn't have fit you."