The 20+ Best Prediction Jokes

You travel to the past into the era where julius caesar is still alive. He thinks you may be from the future to bring him good news. He asks you, "How do I die? ̈

You reply with: ̈Surrounded by friends ̈

I can see my future in your forehead

Jesus and his friend went fishing they both cast the line out and both of them get a bite but Jesus's friend misses and says "damn I missed" jesus said "that's a bad sentence to say if you say it 3 time something bad will happen to you" they cast it out again and both get a bite and Jesus's friend misses again and says "damn I missed" jesus replied "if you say that one more time something bad will happen" they cast out again and Jesus's friends line snaps and he says "damn I missed" jesus said "that's the last time something bad will happen" the biggest thunder storm ever seen appeared and a lightning bolt struck jesus and a voice came from the clouds "damn I missed"

I'm reading this book in braille right now, and I know somethings gonna happen, I can just feel it

My doctor said "you have 1year to live"

I said " you wanna bet"

Bam a gun shot

When the school shooter breaks into the classroom and you look at your friend cause it’s the kid you predicted

How did I know where you would go next? Oh I felt it in my bones!

if anyone ever makes a time machine, please make a bunker for Hitler/the Nazis and send them to 2050. I want to see who would die first, future us or them.

a little girl said one day " grandmas gonna die tonight". the next morning the girl's grandmother's body was found. that day she said again " Grandpas gonna die tonight" sure enough, the girl's grandfather died and his body was discovered the next morning. that day she said " daddy's gonna die tonight." the girls father was terrified. he lay shaking the entire night. somehow, he survived until morning. his wife came into the room crying. he asked her why she was upset and she said that the postman had died last night.

Ukraine (🇺🇦) Vs Russia (🇷🇺) place your bets!!!

How can you tell if google is a girl? It makes suggestions before you finish your sentence

1979: i bet there will be "flying cars" in "the future" 2019: the flying cars future

What do you call an overweight psychic?

A four chin teller.

my friend said that gay people existed 10 years ago. he can tell the future.

what do you say when trumps is still president during 2020? magic

Emoś are so predictable sleep, eat, cut, repeat

Why did the rapper become a weatherman?

To predict the HEAT of his next single

One day a local pastor was visiting the home of some parishioners who had a teenage son. The parents were worried about what career their son would choose, so the pastor said he had a simple test that could predict what would become of him.

He would put three objects on a table and let the young man choose whichever one he wanted to have: a Bible, a wallet, and a bottle of scotch. If the boy chose the Bible, he would probably become a priest; if he chose the wallet, he'd be a banker; and if he chose the bottle, he'd become a worthless bum.

So the parents called their son into the room, and the pastor told him he could have whichever object he wished. When the boy promptly picked up all three, the pastor cried out, "Heaven forbid! He's going to be a Jesuit!"