Place jokes
I walk into a bar. There was a line of people waiting to punch me. Yup. That was the punch line.
I still don't know what's the worst, most dangerous place to take your children on holiday, but, for certain, it's either Vatican City or Neverland Ranch.
People go to places to see Harry Potter live, but you can just go to the abortion place and see something disappear.
I saw a girl crying. I told her, "Where are your parents?" She cried more after that. I got kicked out of the orphanage.
Has anybody else noticed that out of nowhere there are always tons of people online? It's kinda trippy if I'm being honest.
I was at the orphan place, and I saw a kid crying. And I asked him where his parents are, and he fainted.
Heaven is like university: no one gets in.
I once got in trouble in the library for putting the women's right book in the fantasy section.
When I die, I’ll die in a trash can.
Why did Sally fall off the swing? She had no arms.
Why did Joe get hit by a bus? Sally was driving it.
Where did Sally go during the bombing? Everywhere!
What did the plane say to the tower? "Yo, can I crash at your place for a bit, and can my boy crash at your boy's place?"
Orphan: Wanna have a sleepover?
Friend: But you're an orphan.
Orphan: Just wanted a place to sleep tonight!
Your hairline is so [bad] Will Smith can't slap it back in place.
Ariana Grande agrees with me on something: women belong in the kitchen and bedroom.
All my friends live in a forest. It's called Aokigahara.
Imagine working at the World Trade Center, only for Osama bin Laden to call and ask if he could crash at your place.
Hell hates freezers, England, and soccer.
A woman was sitting alone at a bar, and a man approached her. He asked her why she looked so sad. She responded that her boyfriend had just broken up with her because she was too kinky.
The man expressed his amazement when he admitted that his girlfriend had dumped him because of his fetishes. After a few drinks, they decided to go back to her place.
When they arrived, she told him to make himself comfortable while she freshened up. The man complied. After a long time, she burst open her bedroom door and said, "I hope you're ready!"
She stood in the doorway wearing a latex body suit and a gas mask. She had a whip in one hand, a flogger in the other hand, and a 12-inch strap-on dangling between her thighs.
The dude looked at her and said, "Thanks, but I'm good for the night!"
She said, "I thought you said that you were kinky."
The dude replied, "While you were in there, I f-cked your cat, pissed in your plants, and came on your curtains. It's been fun!"
Three men met on a nude beach. Two of the three men were happy, but the third was sad.
The three men broke into a conversation. The topic eventually reached the men's jobs, and why they were at the beach.
"I'm a construction worker," said the first man. "All year long I toil in the sun in very heavy clothes, so this seemed like the perfect vacation for me. If I can relax and do it naked, that's a win-win."
"I'm an accountant," said the second man. "I just like how everyone here is dressed exactly the same."
The first two men turned to the third, sad man. "What do you do?" they asked.
"I'm a pickpocket," said the third man. "My doctor sent me here."
Bro, you were born in a local 7-Eleven bathroom.