Patient: Sorry I'm so nervous, this is my first surgery.
Doctor: Oh don't worry, mine too!!
One time a kid came to the hospital and said “I really need help”, the kid said he was really hot so the put an ice cold towel on him. Then the doctor asked him if he had any problems and he said “yes I am really hot” and the doctor realized that he looked fine, so he said “are you sure, you look amazing” and the kid said that he ment to say I look hot!
The doctor gave his patient 1 day of life so he shot him then the judge gave him 15 years so there you go problem solved.
It’s sad how my friend was struck from the medical register for sleeping with a patient. He was a great vet.
Dentist: “This will hurt a little.” Patient: “OK.” Dentist: “I’m having an affair with your wife.”
What did the grandma say at the hospital when you pulled the tube?...................
Went to the doctor told him Ive been having dreams first about a wigwam then about a teepee he said I was 2 tents
Lil Jimmy:hey doc Doctor:hi sorry but I can’t see u any more Lil Jimmy:why Doctor: because Lil Jimmy I’m a family doctor your an orphan Lil Jimmy:👁👄👁🖕
Doctor: You should stop masturbating. Me: Doc, I'm almost done.
Did you hear that nursing homes keep returning the new Paul Walkers?
They let the elderly move fast, but then burst into flames and burn the patients alive.
An orphan goes to a doctor. Doctor: Sorry I can't help you Orphan: But why? Doctor: I'm a family doctor
Doctor: you'll be at peace soon, sir. Me: what am I dying? Doctor: no your wife is.
Patient: doctor every time I look in a mirror, I feel ill, as if I'm about to throw up what's wrong with me? Doctor: I don't know but your eyesight is perfect.
Patient: where are you taking me, doctor? Doctor: the morgue Patient: hang on! I'm not dead yet! Doctor: and we're not there yet!
Michael Jakson gets really ill so he's rushed to hospital. When they get there he says 'am i in heaven?' The doctor replies 'Nah sir we're just taking a quick shortcut through the children's ward.'
I love telling good news to my patients, like they survived the crash but there family died
"Doctor, I'm shrinking!" "Well, you'll just have to be a little patient."
"I have good and bad news," the doctor said to his patient. "Give me the good news first," the patient said. "Your test results are back," the doctor said, "and you have only two days to live." "That's the good news?" the patient exclaimed. "What's the bad news?" "I've been trying to reach you for two days."
Me running out of the hospital after telling COVID patients to stay "positive"
A Doctor walks into his office and look his paitent in the eyes "Sir you have to stop Jerking off." The Man ask "Why?" The Doctor then says "Because im trying to examin you."
