New Parent Jokes - Page 34 - Worst Jokes Ever

So, there is this button. There's a 50% chance you get a million dollars. There's a 50% chance that you turn into a turtle. Make them press the button, and if they give the money, you just push the orphan over, take their money, and run away because who are they going to tell? Their parents?

What did the kid say to the orphan?

"Well, at least I have parents!"

Who named their daughter Macadamia?

A couple of nuts.

Why did the Asian parents have an Asian baby?

Two wongs don't make a white.

The top worst thing for an orphan, and probably the most awkward one, is when they're having sex and the other person is calling them "mommy" or "daddy."

Little Johnny walked in on his mom in the shower and said, "What's that on your chest, Mom?" Mom said, "Those are my headlights." Johnny: "Oh. What's that in between your legs, Mom?" Mom: "Oh, that's my bush." Johnny: "Oh, OK." Next, he walked in on his dad in the shower. He said, "Dad, what's that in between your legs?" Dad: "Oh, that's my snake." Johnny: "Oh, OK." That night, little Johnny walks in on his parents going at it and said, "Mom, turn on his headlights, there's a snake going in your bush!"

What did the parents say to the orphans?

"YOU CAN'T SEE ME!"

Why can you slap an orphan?

Are they going to tell mommy?

Where's your mom?

In the bin.

Did you know the F in orphan stands for family... Oh wait, haha.

We should stop making jokes about orphans before they tell their parents... Oh, continue.

An orphan's favorite toy is a boomerang. It comes back to them, unlike their parents.

What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?

An apple can trace back its family tree.

A son tells his father, "I have an imaginary girlfriend."

The father sighs and says, "You know, you could do better."

"Thanks Dad," the son says.

The father shakes his head and goes, "I was talking to your girlfriend."

Why can't an orphan have milk?

His dad didn't come back with the milk.

Little Steven was scared to take a shower by himself, so he asked his mum to shower with him. She said ok just don’t look up. He looked up and said wow what are those. She said they are headlights. He looked under and stuck his finger in it and said oh what is that. She said that’s a Pu-pu-pu Bush!!

The next day Steven’s mom wasn’t home so he asked his Papa can I shower with you? He said ok just don’t look up. Well Steven looked up and said WTH IS THAT? His dad said it’s a Snake. That night he asked his parents if he can sleep with them. They said ok Just don’t look under the covers. He grew bored then looked under and Screamed mom turn on the headlights There’s a snake in the bush.