Parent jokes
I got two cups of milk. One for me and one for my son.
We both drank them at the same time and tried not to puke. I won, since my son is face first on the table with his blood all over.
My son asked me how I'm so clean, "inside out." I told him because of bleach. The next day, I found him drinking the bleach.
Why can't orphans go to sleepovers?
Their parents never say yes.
My best friend is an orphan, and we try to have sleepovers, but his parents never say yes.
School Bully: How's your girlfriend? Oh wait, you don't have any!
Me: How's your parents? Oh wait, you don't have any! *Continues to burn down orphanage*
What happened when your parents dropped you off at the orphanage? They got sued for littering.
Judge: We shall now sentence you for the murder of your parents.
Accused: Please consider a lenient sentence, your honor.
Judge: But why?
Accused: Because I’m an orphan.
Bully: How’s your girlfriend?
Kid: I don’t have one. How are your parents?
Bully: *cries*
Kid: *Walks out of the orphanage*
Q: What can't teachers say to orphans?
A: "I'm calling your parents!"
If someone is mean to an orphan just say, "I will call your mum," and make them cry even more.
When you get home and see your parents with your grades in their hands.
Twenty minutes later, they're slapping you with the belt.
How do Chinese people get their names? Their parents throw woks down the stairs and name their children after the sound it makes.
Mom: Son, where are my condoms?
Son: What are condoms?
Dad: She puts it on me and the sandwich.
Son: Wait, why did my girlfriend come over and take one?
Dad: Um, I don't know, but go to bed.
Son: But it's 2:46pm in the afternoon, bruh.
I saw a kid wearing tatty rags on a curb, so I asked, "Are you an orphan?"
"Yes," he replied. "What gave me away?" He asked, "Your parents," I said.
A teacher in Scunthorpe asks a class what their favorite football team is, saying, "Raise your hand if it is Scunthorpe." Every student but one raised their hand. The teacher asks, "Why don't you support Scunthorpe?" The child answers, "My parents support Grimsby, and so do I." The teacher comes back with, "Why are you copying your parents? What if your mum was a prostitute and your dad a druggie?" The child answers, "Then I'd support Scunthorpe like you dirty bastards!"
Dad: No, Timmy, you don't have to worry, there is no monster sleeping under your bed, it sleeps every night in the bed next to me.
Why do orphans die when a tornado comes?
They don't have parents to protect them.
I told an orphan to never stop talking until their parents come home.
Now I can’t get it to shut up.
Why is Harry Potter an orphan's favorite character?
Because Harry Potter has no parents, so it’s relatable.
Why can't an orphan sign up for adoption websites?
Parental Login: __________